I have reached the end of week 37, which means that this pregnancy has successfully gone full term. Well done, baby, WELL DONE. You know what this means, don’t you? This means that for the rest of this kid’s life, I can use that well-rehearsed line about having carried them for 9 months. And just between the two of us, I plan to milk that one for all it’s worth.
A series of images with Hank.
Sadly, I hear it’s not worth much until the kid is old enough to give me grandchildren. But that’s okay. My husband’s family is Catholic and I’m sure they have plenty of good old-fashioned guilt-inspiring phrases that I can use in the meantime.
Donald and I have spent most of our free time – including Father’s Day – preparing the house for the little dictator that my womb is housing. Changing station? Check. Nursing area? Check. Shelf for bottle supplies in the kitchen? Check. Bookcase filled with great advice we’ll never look at? Check check.
Or: WHY HANK IS NEVER PART OF THESE PHOTOS. (Because we can’t both be presentable at once). (I mean, really, what am I doing with my arm? The chicken dance?)
The most significant preparation has been the set-up of all the baby gear. This kid comes with an arsenal of crap, LET ME TELL YOU THAT. Also, seriously, what were baby gear makers THINKING when they made that stuff? Take, for instance, the swing.
We have the Boppy swing. It’s an enormous contraption that comes completely disassembled. There are approximately ten billion pieces, all metal and relatively similar looking, and there is an instruction manual that is absolutely useless. That’s okay, you tell yourself, I’ll just look at the picture.
A WORD ABOUT THE PICTURE, OH MY GAWD. What the picture doesn’t tell you is that those metal pieces are impossible to slide into and over one another. So because I was too stubborn to ask my manly husband for help, I spent twenty minutes – let me repeat that: TWENTY MINUTES – trying to connect two metal pieces by throwing all of my weight onto one. I am nine months pregnant, people, it’s not like I’m a lightweight, but would those two metal pieces budge? NO.
See also: lunatic white German Shepherd with short attention span.
We won’t discuss how the swing finally ended up in one piece. We’ll just say that my husband has muscles and knows how to use them.
Outside of all the baby preparation that has been going on around here, the pregnancy is still hunky dory. Yesterday, we had a doctor’s appointment wherein a vaginal swab and a rectal swab (although they CONVENIENTLY forgot to mention that last part until AFTER they stuck a q-tip into my balloon knot) were taken to test for beta strep. Just off the top of my head, let me present you with a list of things that are more comfortable than Group B Strep swabs: a) being eaten by a jaguar, b) having someone club you over the head with a crowbar, and c) death by firing squad.
Oh stop, I jest. It isn’t as uncomfortable as getting a Rhogam shot in the butt or trying to bend over to tie my shoes. And it certainly has nothing on a pap smear. It was just, you know, uncomfortable.
Referred to by my father as: THE WHITE TORNADO.
The rest of the pregnancy is going well, though. My uterus is still making out with all of those contractions, nothing has changed there. I have two days left of work. And I am now retaining more water than the Pacific Ocean, which means that I could probably wander around in a desert without water for at least twelve years before experiencing thirst.
I am still enjoying pregnancy with all its bloating and baby squirms and indigestion, but I am beginning to look forward to meeting the munchkin. It has become a point of insanity, an insatiable desire to HOLD MY BABY. So sweet little one, cook as long as you need, but try not to take too long. I’m getting impatient. And also, I didn’t prepare that Boppy swing from Hell for nothing.
***Note: The contest here, for which the prize is a $40 gift card to Amazon.com, is still up and running. The new rules can be found here. When you have a chance, please click through and make an entry! Enjoy!
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I think I’ll start using balloon knot with my younger children, as in, “I bet you itch because you didn’t wipe your balloon knot enough.“
Congrats on reaching full term. You are so close.
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You are adorable. :D
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You crack me up, woman!! Since I had never heard the term “balloon knot” i had to do a double take, then I got the VISUAL!! ha! too funny….. I wish you well on the rest of your pregnancy and your delivery.
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yeah! Full term! You made it!
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Such a sweet set of photos, I need to take some decent ones instead of the boring old side-on belly only shots!
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Holy Hell- I’m freaking out with excitement about moving this Friday- I can’t imagine how you feel about meeting your new human!!!!!!
Ps- You still look ridiculously beautiful- I’ll bet there are pregnant woman everywhere that hate you.
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Woo! You made it!
Congrats :) And yay on only two more days of work!
Yeah, baby gear? Doesn’t get any better as they get older. Now that my son is finally into older-kid toys, they are still complicated.
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Yay full term! Can’t wait to see when the baby comes!
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As hellish as that swing was to put together, it will be you best friend!!
BALLOON KNOT…hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah
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oops Your ....hate when the finger forgets the r!
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You ain’t even kidding about the “Bookcase filled with great advice we’ll never look at”. I’ve been winging it for the last 12 months. He’s still breathing, so I must be doing something right.
Now that you’re full-term, it’s time to tell the little one to get on out of there so you can reclaim what’s yours.
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Oh Sarah, Sarah. You obviously didn’t read my post about my group b strep test.
My girlfriend refers to the balloon knot as “the raisin.“
Glad that kiddo is full term!
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“I spent twenty minutes trying to connect two metal pieces.“
Too damn funny. Poor you! I hope the baby totally falls in love with that Boppy swing.
You were doing the chicken dance with your dog? Wow, that’s nice. Can I try it with my cat or is that weird?
You did a great job promoting those Group B Strep swabs. I’m sure everyone wants to experience now what you experienced. Being eaten by a jaguar. Awesome!
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Hurrah for reaching full term! :)
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How in the world is that 37 weeks? Impossible. I can’t believe it for a second. I think you look like I did at about 14 weeks, only I had fat arms and a huge ass and you’re crazy cute. In other words, I don’t look like you at all. Because you look awesome.
That bambino will be here before you know it. Hang in there mama.
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Oh I miss being pregnant. Especially when I hear happy pregnant people. Good luck with the last few weeks… and one book I do recommend: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. The rest of it, you figure out on your own!
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Awww. You are too darling for words. And funny!
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I’ll be full term tomorrow and I keep trying to convince my baby that she doesn’t need to be fashionably late to her birth day. I’ve also been storing up the guilt inducing comments for future reference - and since I lost my appendix during this pregnancy, I think I have a pretty good one “I lost an ORGAN for you, the least you can do is make your bed”. Glad to hear it’s going well for you!
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congrats! full term! grow, baby, grow!
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Just letting you know your Meet The Newlyweds interview is up today, thanks for the great interview. Glad to see your made it to 37 weeks, though I don’t consider you full term, you want to have that baby at 40 weeks!!
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Wow! 37 weeks, that’s amazing! You have every right to be proud of yourself - good job Mom! :)
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I’m so glad you featured photos of Hank. Poor guy, pretty soon there will be a new sheriff in town and Hank won’t know what to do with himself.
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HOORAY! Full-term is fabulous and you are hilarious.
The photo sequence is adorable.
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I can’t wait to read your blog once your baby is born and you are dealing with all of the advice that you are bound to get! You will blog about it wonderfully!
Congrats to getting to full term. It’s quite the experience isn’t it!
And about the Rhogam shot…beware telling your child about how you took two shots in the butt for them (I had to have a second one after the birth of my kids), because the whole first grade might hear about it 6 years later:)
By Heidi on June 24, 2009
You said balloon knot. What a precocious pregnant lady you are!
LOVE IT.