Frequently asked questions.

1.  Why did you name your website “Becoming Sarah”?
To be honest, there was not an impressive amount of thought applied to the matter of what to call my website. One evening I sat down to dinner and told Donald that the website’s name was “Becoming Sarah” because I am always in a state of growth. The girl who became a woman. The student who became a writer. The fiancée who became a wife. The wife who became a royal pain in the ass.

Actually, I was always a royal pain in the ass.

2.  What breed are your cats? What breed is your dog?
We have three cats named Sebastian, Forrest and Anastacia. Donald and I rescued the whole lot of them and so we do not know what breed they are. All three are well-trained, social animals that love a good belly rub.

Our dog, Hank, is a white German Shepherd. We rescued him from someone who lived in an apartment and therefore was quite unable to keep a dog that large. Yes, he is cute, but DO NOT BE FOOLED. Left unattended, Hank would sit on the couch all day long doing nothing but scratching his balls, drinking beer and watching football.

Here is a slideshow of our critters:

3.  How do you pronounce your last name(s)?
My full last name is Schlothan Christensen. There is no hyphen.

I pronounce it “Sh-low-thin Chris-tin-sin,“ but some people don’t have enough oral sex and therefore their tongues lack the dexterity necessary to say such a DIFFICULT last name. So when I’m faced with those people, the ones with ridiculously uncooperative brains, I have them pronounce my name as “Slow-thin Christian-son.“

You take your pick. I promise not to make fun of you.

4.  What is Crohn’s disease?
Crohn’s disease is a chronic autoimmune disorder that affects the gastrointestinal tract. It is notorious for painful and explosive diarrhea. I can attest to this as fact. More than once, I have told my husband that he better use the bathroom NOW! because soon he will be unable to walk within a mile of the bathroom without wilting. JUST LOOK AT THE FLOWERS OUTSIDE.

Crohn’s disease is hereditary, there is no cure, and yes, it can kill. Or, more accurately, complications from Crohn’s disease can kill. My case is considered relatively severe, but I am diligent about my personal health care, diet and stress levels. I am currently enjoying a period of long-term remission. Most of the time, remission means less frequent diarrhea and more farting.

My life as a Crohn’s patient has been riddled with routine colonoscopies, strong drugs, self-performed enemas, rectal thermometers and tubes down my throat. There have also been a surprising number of suppositories. Oh, the suppositories. There is nothing quite like the feeling that your ass has just swallowed a submarine.

5.  What do you and your husband do for a living?
He is a geek and I am a geekette and together we fight crime and bring down the bad guys.

6.  Who is She Who Shall Not Be Named?
She is a vicious and bloodthirsty enemy of the people. She loathes, abhors, despises, hates blogs and spends most of her day cackling, stirring a cauldron and plotting the demise of this website. If you EVER encounter her, heed my advice:


On a more serious note, if I told you the identity of She Who Shall Not Be Named, then I would have to kill you. Would you like to see a picture of her instead?

© 2009 Helios Media, Inc.  Click here to see this image on Flickr.

Ha. Ha ha. Ha. Ha ha ha. HA! Ha. Ha. Whooooo. Ha ha. Ha. Oh, I bust me up.

7.  How old are you?
Old enough to throw back copious amounts of whiskey, and isn’t that all that really matters in life?

8.  Can you design my website?
No. That would be a no. If I designed your website, it would look like something the cat dragged in. Worse, it would look like something the cat puked up on your newly laundered sheets. My website was designed and developed by two very talented individuals at Catapult Web Development and Swank Web Style: Leslie and Shaz. More in-depth information about the design of this site is available here.

9.  Do you look good naked?

© 2009 Helios Media, Inc.  Click here to see this image on Flickr.