I have become THAT woman.
June 03, 2011

Sometimes I go somewhere and leave my baby in the capable hands of relatives.  Relatives like my parents who managed to get me to my 18th birthday with all limbs intact.  So obviously that means they’re trustworthy with a three-foot-tall dictator.

Actually, on second thought, look how I turned out.  I curse on the Internet and accidentally greeted the UPS guy in pajamas last week.  At 2pm.  Also: without having brushed my teeth yet.  So.  There’s that.

But my obvious flaws are beside the point.  The point is that I periodically entrust the chubby-cheeked tyrant I birthed to other people – but not very often.  I go on and on and on about how much I NEED A BREAK and how NICE it would be to escape for a few hours, but when push comes to shove, I’m like WAIT A MINUTE, you mean to be alone I have to be without my baby?!

WHAT SORT OF MATH IS THAT, YOU IMPOSTER?!

Invariably, Charlotte loves being away from me for awhile.  When I walk down the street to pick her up, even if it’s been an entire night, she always looks at me like YEAH RIGHT, I’m supposed to go back home with you?  Do you know what Grandmas and Grandpas do?  THEY FEED ME STRAWBERRIES!  AND PUT A TOY DOLPHIN IN THE BATHTUB! AND LET ME PULL WEEDS!  Mom, you only wish you were this cool.

Oh, but I miss her.  When we’re apart, I obsess about her.  In fact, whenever I’m without my daughter, I feel the need to tell everyone within a fifty-mile radius that I have one.  I don’t really know why.  Maybe I am unwittingly channeling their curiosity and they are looking at me thinking SO THAT IS WHAT THE MOTHER OF A REALLY ADORABLE TODDLER LOOKS LIKE, but I doubt it.

Also, I can tie that shit into the most completely unrelated conversations.  Seriously.  We went to an event recently where someone was talking about work furloughs and even though right now I can’t think of a single way in which work furloughs relate to childbearing, the next thing I knew my wallet had burped up some baby pictures.  DAMNEDEST THING.

When I was single and probably much cooler, I hated people like me.  They’d turn every conversation back to kids and I’d think okay, you put your sex organs to work, WELL DONE YOU, now can we return to our talk about window cleaners?  Because that was actually interesting.


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  1. By Alicia S. on June 03, 2011

    Lol This reminds me of every conversation we have with the few friends of our who don’t have kids. We’re constantly turning the conversation back to our kids while they’re constantly turning it back to their pets. It’s the same with all 3 married, childless couple-friends of ours. It’s like this unintentional tug-of-war that both sides are continuously apologizing for—but then keep right on doing.

  2. By Courtney @ Bundle of Wonder on June 03, 2011

    You’re not alone, that’s for sure!  We rarely leave Harper and if we do my parents (who live next door) watch her.  Once we left her with my aunt who has two little girls and she did fine, but I worried about her the whole time.  I don’t worry as much when my parents watch her since they see her pretty much everyday.  But I hate leaving her.  I always think a couple of hours away would be nice, but by the time I’m pulling out of the driveway I’m ready to run back into the house and scoop her up.  She loves being at her Gramie and Grampie’s so I force myself to let her go over there alone, but not for very long usually.  Wade and I try to have date nights every few weeks, but we usually end up talking about Harper and go home after about 2 hours.  Seems pathetic, but she’s what makes us happiest so why not spend all the time we can with her now?  In a few short years she’ll be leaving us and we’ll be left behind missing those precious moments we used to have.

  3. By Sara on June 03, 2011

    Ha! I totally feel the same way. I hate leaving her in the care of others, even my parents who are clearly capable. And when I do happen to be alone, without Maggie, it’s all I talk about. I too, have sadly, become one of those moms.

  4. By Sarah on June 03, 2011

    So very happy to know I’m not the only one!

  5. By missjoules on June 03, 2011

    Hahahahaha oh gosh I am so going to do this… when I can get around to actually, you know, being separated from my baby. We took a baby-class and everyone has gone off on weekend get-aways already and I’m always like, “Hmm, um, I let Robin go alone with his daddy to walk the dog this week. For like 45 minutes. And they were NOT home fast enough.“ Aaaand they think I’m crazy. Which I probably am. It’s all the time I’m not getting away from the baby ;)

  6. By on June 03, 2011

    I used to get so sick of people at work talking about their children thinking they have the most amazing kids in the world, it was so boring to me, but the second I had my daughter I could turn every single conversion I held into something about her. I thought it was my own personal skill, but now I just think that’s every mother’s chance to talk about their kids with someone other than their husbands :)

    And I agree with you, being apart for even more than a night is so hard and I totally start obsessing and wondering what she’s doing at every minute and wondering if she’s okay without her Momma, when actually, she’s probably having a blast without me!

  7. By on June 03, 2011

    It’s always been true and will continue to be true. It’s funny to experience, fun to remember and hilarious to watch someone else go through it. Thanks!  I think it applies to a great many things, too. Old age, for example. Aches and pains. Anything we haven’t experienced first-hand always looks/sounds/seems so foreign to us (or boring or ridiculous) until we are there ourselves. THEN and only then do we truly “get it”.

  8. By tracey on June 04, 2011

    My kids aren’t babies anymore, but even last week, when my husband and I went away for 3 nights, I had to choke back many tears after they left with their uncle. It’s an emotional bond so strong that it’s physical. It doesn’t ever really “go away” but you do get used to it.

  9. By on June 04, 2011

    Welcome to the club ;)

  10. By Ely's Momma on June 05, 2011

    HAHAHAAH! Ely is about the same age as Charlotte. I love reading your blog, but this one made me LOL. I am right there with you, sister. Especially feeling the need to tell other people about her when she’s not around, too funny!

  11. By Leslie Crane on June 05, 2011

    I feel weird when I’m not with James, like I’m missing a limb or something, and I get all awkward. It’s kinda embarrassing.

  12. By on June 05, 2011

    I just took a vacation without my kid. I went to a music festival were kids are the last thing on everyones mind. Yet I told everyone who would listen about my son. I missed him terribly

  13. By on June 06, 2011

    I marvel at people who are able to leave their kids for weekends at a time effortless-ly. My husband has been talking about taking a short vacation alone, which sounds great on paper, but when I actually sit down to think about it, I’m like ‘wait, I wouldn’t be packing diapers and balls? And no midget-sized clothes? I can’t do this’.

    Maybe some day.

    For now, I’ll stick to the infrequent nights out here we have to let the waiter or waitress know ‘oh, this is a night away from our child’ then they ask the expected ‘how old?‘ type questions to pretend to care (and then run back to let their friends know they have another one of ‘those’ couples…). I’ve become so pathetic

  14. By Jenn on June 08, 2011

    Welcome to the club. We’re annoying, offspring-obsessed, sad, pathetic women. And I use the word ‘women’ loosely because CLEARLY we prefer to be referred as Mama, Mommy, Mom or Momster more (and definitely more than ‘wife’).

    Oh but WAIT. I think there is a bright side! Doesn’t that make us better moms for being miserable without out babies? You know, like isn’t that a sign of unconditional love or something? Or doesn’t it prove we love our kids more than the neighbour who actually has a social life outside of parenting?

    No? *Sigh* I didn’t think so.

  15. By on June 13, 2011

    Love this!


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