Sadly, I have no one to blame but myself.
July 14, 2011

I’m not sure exactly when it began, but at some point several months ago Charlotte became obsessed with descriptive words.  BOO-FUL!  Beautiful.  COOT!  Cute.  CAZY!  Crazy.  HAPPY!  Happy.  SEEPY!  Sleepy.

And, of course, BIG! and ITTEL!

Charlotte gives big and little the most attention.  Big puppy!  Big Daddy!  Big playground!  Big kid!  Big tree!  Little fish!  Little bug!  Little seed!  Little kitten!  Little baby!

It’s the cutest damned thing in the world, but a few days ago this whole BIG! and ITTEL! business bit me in the ass.

I’ve mentioned this before, but we have something in our household called Naked Time.  It is exactly what it sounds like.  Naked Time begins when a pint-size whirlwind shrieks OFF! OFF! OFF! and starts stripping.  And it ends when the same pint-size whirlwind needs to take a nap.

Even I’m not dumb enough to let the kid sleep on my bed without a diaper.  That’s just asking for poop on my pillow, that is.

Lately, my daughter has been approximately 572% interested in Naked Time and very disinterested in showering.  Like -40% interested, THAT is the sort of disinterested I am talking about.  It’s unfortunate because summer is the season of swimming pools and sweaty hikes and sunscreen at the park, so I’ve been manipulating Naked Time to my advantage.

Ordinarily I’m not running around in the buff during Naked Time, HONEST, but I’ve found that if I hop in the shower during Naked Time the pint-size whirlwind cannot resist.  Naked whirlwinds are attracted to showers with naked mothers in them, THIS IS A LAW OF NATURE, right up there with gravity.

So the other day, I was getting ready to shower and I saw the naked whirlwind streak by.  I reached down and pinched her bottom.  “Hey there, little cutie patootie,” I said.  She laughed.  “ITTEL COOTIE POOTIE!” she repeated.

Then I stripped down and got ready to do my typical Lure The Naked Child To The Shower routine, which sadly involves all sorts of shenanigans that I am not writing about on the Internet lest my father read this and immediately die of a heart attack.  And what does my kid do?

She comes up to me, smacks my butt, and exclaims “BIG BOTTOM!”


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  1. By Ashley P on July 14, 2011

    Oh, this had me rolling. “BIG BOTTOM!“ Hahahaha.

  2. By Lisa on July 14, 2011

    Haha, this made me laugh! I also have to be careful with what I say (like that) around my 2 1/2 year old . . . I never know what she is going to say next.

  3. By tara pollard pakosta on July 14, 2011

    LOL!!!!! that’s GREAT!
    tara

  4. By on July 14, 2011

    HAHA! I have to tell you I can relate….........my daughter recently while I was getting dressed pointed up at me and said “Big belly!!!“

    Oh the things they say!

  5. By Sheila on July 14, 2011

    My toddler sometimes falls asleep naked.  Amazingly, he never goes on the bed (I mean for naps - I’m sure night would be a different story).  He goes everywhere else if he gets half a chance (which he often does), but he has to wake up to go, and I put him on the potty right when he wakes up.  Your mileage may vary!

    This is hilarious though.  My kid’s current favorite thing to do is pull up my shirt and yell BELLY! BELLY!  He did it in church the other day.  Yeah I don’t really want everyone to see my stretch marks, kid, glad you appreciate them though!

  6. By tracy on July 14, 2011

    Lately my 3 year old has been obsessed with my boobs, which weren’t much to speak of prior to bf’ing, and certainly not after. A few weeks ago at my mom & step-dad’s house, in front of company, she reached into my shirt and asked if I had big boobies. I said sadly, no baby; mama doesn’t have big boobies. Her response was, oh, you just have little boobies?....accompanied by a look that could only be described as pity.

    Much laughter ensued from the grown-ups.

  7. By Lindsey on July 14, 2011

    This is one of the best things I have ever read. Y’know it’s all comparitive :)

  8. By on July 14, 2011

    Hi I love your blog!! I have a 7 month old little girl and I relate to your stories. I laughed so much during this blog post thank you for sharing :)

  9. By cambria on July 14, 2011

    I just laughed out loud! So funny!

    Hadley said to me the other day “Mama, do you smell that? It’s your who-hah!“ (female parts, in case you were wondering). Not sure how she determined I was stinky as she wasn’t near me, but I hauled my ass to the shower just for safety.

  10. By Heidi on July 14, 2011

    hilarious…as i was reading, i was wondering where the story was going. and what, exactly, was your reaction?!

  11. By Jessika on July 14, 2011

    Well… compared to her’s, it’s big(ger). But seriously. All things to a kidlet have got to be huge. I just know to never wear a bathing suit around your child, lest she slaps my behind and yells “PLANET!!!“

  12. By Dandy on July 14, 2011

    OMG I love her!

  13. By Taryn on July 15, 2011

    Hilarious!
    We love naked time too, around here it’s known as free-ranging :)

  14. By on July 15, 2011

    This made me laugh out loud! Thank you!

  15. By Brooke on July 15, 2011

    That is HILARIOUS. Sadie is in a similar phase. “I’m just wittle.“ “You big.“ Two things I’ve picked up on that might be worth sharing (unless Charlotte insists that she is “big”). 1. When there’s something she can’t have because it’s truly too dangerous, I tell Sadie, “That’s for people who are big. Are you big?“ to which she replies, “No, I just wittle,“ and magically (and, I’m sure, for a limited time only) drops the issue. 2. When Sadie asks for more of something, but she’s really had enough, I’ve had to retrain myself out of saying, “You can have just a little bit,“ because her reply is ALWAYS, “I wanna BIG one.“ So, now I tell her, “Here, you can have a big one,“ while giving her a little bit. Of course, that will wear out before too long, too. Gotta use that childhood ignorance while it lasts!

  16. By Alicia S. on July 15, 2011

    Yeah, well, at least she didn’t grab your belly chub after a steak dinner and ask, “Momma, how come your belly is getting fat again and my baby sister was already born?“ *pout*

  17. By Heather on July 15, 2011

    Big Bottom!!  LOL….

    I remember when Zack hated showers.  We finally figured out it was because he was afraid of getting soap in his eyes so we modified how we bathed him and all was well in his world again.  But for awhile… oh the tears…..

  18. By Sarah Christensen on July 15, 2011

    Taryn - FREE RANGING?!  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  Best name EVER!

    Brooke - So far we haven’t run into either of those issues.  For one, I don’t ever really tell her that she’s a big girl.  It’s very rare.  So I don’t think she’s made that connection yet, but since she hears it from others I’m sure she will soon!  And with food, she usually just eats what I give her or less and is fine with it.  When she wants more, it’s usually peas, berries, or cheese.  I don’t mind giving her more of those and just telling her we’re out the following day.  But I like the way you handle it because I think Charlotte’s right around the corner from starting to ask for big helpings of what she likes or wants more of.

  19. By Sarah Christensen on July 15, 2011

    Heidi - I said “Big bottom?  What?  That’s silly!  Momma has a momma-sized bottom!  You have a baby-sized bottom, huh?“  Then she was successfully busied examining her own butt.

  20. By Megan R. on July 15, 2011

    awesome.  purely awesome!

  21. By kbreints on July 15, 2011

    THIS STORY is the BEST!

  22. By on July 16, 2011

    Great reaction, Sarah, divert their attention - and ya know, it works for Years !~!

  23. By Camille on July 18, 2011

    Hilarious! Reminds me of the time my daughter told me she likes how my belly is fat now [so she can slap and pinch it while she’s nursing.]

  24. By Helen@Baby Shoes on July 19, 2011

    Ooops, its all relative. I’m sure she was just comparing it to hers!


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