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Just so you know: I was also a child who was calm and liked to watch and take things in. I could also get down with the best of them, and was a gymnast and played softball for 10 years. I had a lot of friends, but only a handful of people who were especially close—and this is the same now.
I was, admittedly, a kind of weird kid. I preferred to read then hang out, I skipped a dance in middle school to go see Titanic, and I was always prone to daydreaming (and still am). I spent, and still spend, a lot of time in my head. When I was young that involved making up stories, thinking about what I had seen and interactions I saw between people and now… those are both there, with 50 million other things.
Basically what I’m hoping I’m saying is don’t worry. I knew people from all kinds of social circles—the kids everyone loved but who were secretly getting drunk and having sex in the bathroom at school, and the kids who got the shit kicked out of them every day because of what they wore but who were, and are, some of the most amazing people. When you’re a kid who likes people, who loves friends, but might prefer a small group of very good friends over a large group of people you “know,“ you sometimes come off as weird… but it’s a good weird. ;)
I have no idea how Charlotte will turn out or really what she’s like day to day—just what’s in your blog, which I imagine isn’t close to everything. I’m sure she’s going to be radiant regardless of what her social path is, and I’m even more positive about that when you consider that you and Donald are helping guide her.
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And on the other hand, I too worry about this kind of stuff for Jasper.. but mostly because he’s a really sensitive kid, and it seems to me it’s easier to be a quiet, sensitive person when you’re a female than it is when you’re a male. I was quiet and sensitive and I was teased for it, but I knew plenty of quiet and sensitive guys who were beaten up for it. Granted, this takes the conversation into an entirely different place that probably ends with some kind of battle about what kind of schooling is best for kids (and I DON’T want to go there), but I wanted to bring it up just to show that I too have these moments. There have been a few teary-eyed , late night conversations about “OH MY GOSH WHAT IF SOMEONE IS MEAN TO HIM? WHAT IF SOMEONE DOESN’T LIKE HIM?“
It’s natural. It happens. :)
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I’m pretty sure my kid will be a social outcast, I’ve accepted it. If he isn’t, I will be that much happier! :)
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I wish more moms would be more aware of what they say to other moms. Gah! We’re all sensitive about our children. They are a direct reflection on us!
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Thrifty - Overall I agree, but even I have to admit that what she said was totally innocuous - an observation, not a judgment.
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Remember at the LA arboretum, Char and Bailey chased each other around a tree trunk for like 20 minutes or more?? Charlotte is too cute ;) and we miss you girls.
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I love watching small children, who can’t even hardly speak, talking to each other. I always wonder, how they understand each other and what they are talking about. :-)
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Yes, every kid has their own time to start doing different things. Don’t worry about it. N. for example hasn’t rolled over, even though he’s soon 5 months old. I used to totally freak out about it, thinking that he was disabled or something. But the doctor said its just fine. A lot of worries for nothing. A parent might actually put unneeded stress on the child by worrying about his development so much. And also, being calm and observant is ummm…......WONDERUL!!?
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Sarah, I feel the same way about Harper! The funny thing is, I was actually worrying about this the day we met at the zoo! Harper spends almost all her time with me and if she is with someone else, they are adults without children. Only once a week do we meet up with other children at her music class. While we are there, none of the children play together. The only time they acknowledge each other is during circle time where they have to hold hands. I believe I read that at age 2-3 they will “play” together, but really that only means that they’ll play in the same space, but with different toys/activities. Nevertheless, I constantly worry that Harper isn’t as social as she should be. She absolutely loves babies and other kids and points them out wherever we go. But to actually play with one, no way.
When we were at the zoo I kept thinking how independent Charlotte is. I was incredibly amazed at how well she went about doing her own thing. I think that you’re doing a wonderful job with her and I think that in her own time she will begin to play more with other children. I have an almost five year-old cousin who just started playing and interacting more with other children within the past year so you just never know I guess! If only I could remember that myself and stop worrying about it all the time!
By on March 16, 2012
A few months ago a child in my daughter’s class had a birthday party and invited only 4 or 5 children from school….....my daughter was not one of them. I found out about the party in passing when another parent asked me if I was taking my daughter to so and so’s party the following day.
This was at school drop off in the morning and needless to say I worried about it ALL DAY LONG. To the point that when I got home that night I cried (for nearly an hour might I add) to my husband about our daughter’s social development…....why was she left out? What if her feelings were hurt? How are we going to make her feel confident? On and on I went (about something my daughter quite literally knew NOTHING about.
Probably not my finest moment in parenting, but we’ve all been there…....overanalyzing, over worrying, sometimes to the point of tears.