A note about small things.
March 30, 2012

Yesterday was my due date with Aurora.  It started out as a pretty glum day, but around noon we learned that some of our very closest family friends welcomed a new life into the world in the morning.  I know that the two aren’t really linked…but somehow I cannot help feeling that they are.  The incurable idealistic hippie in me likes to think that we are all connected just a little bit and that everything happens for a reason, you know?

On that note, Aurora’s pomegranate tree and Zachary’s apple tree are both alive and well.  Aurora’s tree is out of it’s dormancy and I will post pictures next week so that you can see what a beautiful, hardy little thing it is.  I also ordered this Momma necklace in the end.  It was actually very difficult for me to purchase - not because I was an emotional wreck or anything, but because since Charlotte’s birth, I just…don’t…buy things for myself.  Does anyone else feel a little guilty if they spend money on themselves instead of on their kid?

In other news, it is ladybug season again.  The aphids descended upon our yard about a month ago and the ladybugs followed a couple weeks later.  Everywhere you look, our yard is teeming with ladybugs by the dozens.  It is Charlotte’s favorite season by far - and in a moment of absolute brilliance, do you know what she remembered without any prompting?  She remembered that LAST YEAR we “played aphids.“

It took me awhile to figure out what she was talking about, but then I remembered.  When the ladybugs came out last year, I talked to her about aphids and read books about them to her.  Then we went outside and played a sort of makeshift tag where I was the ladybug and she was the aphid and it was my job to catch her and eat her up.

Every so often I meet someone who very strongly believes that filling up Charlotte’s days with fun is pointless.  “It’s not like she’ll remember it,“ they say.  I was about 2.5 years old at the time of my first memory (my dad woke me up at night and snuck me outside to see a frog by moonlight) and exactly 3 years old at the time of my second memory (I licked my birthday cake), so I’m pretty sure they’re right.  In ten years, Charlotte won’t remember “playing aphids” before her second birthday.

But she remembers it now and that makes all the effort worth it to me.

** Charlotte is two years and eight months old.

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  1. By on March 30, 2012

    I too have an extremely difficult time buying myself anything. I build up buying a new pair of shoes like I’m purchasing a new car… I shop around…. Price compare…. Ohhh and ahhhh online for a few weeks… And then one day after a lot of research go in for the purchase and half the time end up backing out at the last minute claiming I just really didn’t need it THAT bad. I’m sure it has a lot more to do with me not working full time/our reduced income as a result, but even when we have more than enough money, it’s still hard.

  2. By on March 30, 2012

    i’m kinda chocked someone would tell you having fun with your daughter is pointless because she’s too young to remember.. i never saw it that way.

    i honestly can’t remember my first memory but i can tell you for sure all the things my parents did with/for me made the person i am today, no matter how old i was.. and i intend to do the same with Alice.

    or what would be the point ? putting your kid’s life on hold till it’s theoretically “worth it” ?

    ps. i like your hippie way of thinking..

  3. By bethany on March 30, 2012

    beautiful necklace - please take a photo of it when it arrives and share. i would love to see it.  this post also reminds me of a quote i absolutely adore :: “There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.“ ~Graham Greene, The Power and the Glory

  4. By kbreints on March 30, 2012

    It took me a good long while (years and years) to NOT feel guilty abot buying thinfs for myself after I had kids… but now? I have come to realize that it is important for my well being, sanity, and over all self to feel good about purchaing something that is FOR ME ONLY.

    It is OK to do that. We are not only mothers, but we are our own people as well—and it is hard to not get lost in the mother role—and perfectly wonderful to do so—but every once in a while it is god to be reminded that before we were motheres… we were our own person too.

  5. By Lindsey on March 30, 2012

    I’ve never even thought of your day to day activities as “filling Charlotte’s days with fun”. She may not remember specific things you do but to me what you are *really* doing is facilitating in her a sense of wonder and awe and curisoity about the world that will probably stay with her as she gets older and that is INVALUABLE. It’s a wonderful thing you are doing and if it also happens to be fun? So much the better!

    On a side note: I don’t have kids yet and I already feel guilty buying myself things but when I see an adorable little knit sweater or train conductor overalls for tiny people at a thrift store? I have absolutely no guilt buying them. Which is a little silly on a variety of levels. My fiance helps me to remember that it is OK to treat yourself sometimes - it most definitely doesn’t make you selfish or a bad person.

  6. By on March 30, 2012

    I, too, have problems indulging for myself since I had Emmeline.  I finally caved and bought this necklace with my Christmas money this year:


    ...with an extra star charm for “Buster,“ the child I miscarried before Emmeline.  I love wearing it.

  7. By christy on March 30, 2012

    That is pretty cool that your friend had a baby on Aurora’s due date, but I understand it would definitely feel bittersweet at the same time.

    The whole “not remembering anything” really hit home with me.  My 2 year child-care leave is coming to an end, where I must make a decision about work.  I want to quit my job and my husband wants me to go back; I cannot tell you how many times he has mentioned that my son “won’t remember these years anyways”.  *tear*

  8. By Jadzia@Toddlerisms on March 30, 2012

    I don’t think it matters that a baby (and they are all our babies even when they get big, right?) might not be able to remember your activities on a conscious level.  I believe that they do remember subconsciously that they were paid attention to and that they were loved.  Why do I believe this?  I guess because I know folks who objectively were NOT paid attention to or loved at a very young age, and their wounds very clearly never healed.

  9. By Theresa on March 31, 2012

    You might as well ignore her and do whatever you want since she won’t remember it anyway. I think the point you made about how she remembers things from last year now is important. Next year she will remember things from this year. The next year she may remember things from the past couple of years.
    She has to build upon something with her memories. You can’t start being awesome when she is 4 because she actually might remember then. She will also remember at 4 that, when she was 3, you were a total bore. It will take a while to build her up to believing how awesome you are and how much fun you can have together. BUT… if you start young, like when she is born, she will always be secure in the knowledge that you love her and want her to blossom into someone freaking amazing.
    Plus, have we mentioned how crazily fast their brains grow at this age… I think you want to do fun/interesting things with her because we all know that 2 and 3 years old can learn.

  10. By Maricris @ SittingAround on April 01, 2012

    I also spend more for the kids rather than for myself. But I think, it’s not really guilt feeling. Us, moms, are happier to see our kids happy :-)

  11. By tara pollard pakosta on April 02, 2012

    I think if you print out the pictures, write the story in a book for her, she will REMEMBER that way! and that is the beauty of pictures + words! get your blog printed into a book! I know blurb does a great job!!!!!!!!
    you are a GREAT mommy!

  12. By tracy @mamacreates on April 02, 2012

    it’s amazing the things that kids remember at this age, that we know they’ll never remember a year from now, or maybe even next week.

    but a couple months ago, E & I got home from work, etc & I was trying not to drop my bags (purse, work bag filled w/ files that I never seem to have time to actually work on home, and E’s preschool backpack) all over the deck while unlocking the door, completely out of the blue, E says, I dropped a puzzle piece under the deck.

    I had to think about it for a moment, because being the middle of the winter as it were, we’d not spent much time playing on the deck in recent weeks. And sure enough, I remembered that LAST SUMMER that kid was doing a puzzle on the deck & dropped a piece down a crack. I asked her if she remembered what puzzle she was working on (SCORE FOR ME BECAUSE I REMEMBERED WHICH PUZZLE IT WAS!), and after a 4 second pause, she says, Dora.

    Sure enough, it was a Dora puzzle, and I am still shocked & amazed at her ability to retain information. Now I know that won’t always be the case, and that these memories won’t stick around forever, and frankly, there are many memories I hope she does forget because we’ve had a hard couple of years, and she’s not quite 4.

    A friend told me that there are studies & scientific proof that something happens in a child’s brain around the preschool/kindegarden years where they remember information differently, and memories that they had no trouble remembering on cue in these young years seemingly disappeared as they got into elementary school.

    Not sure if you’ve read anything about that scientific tid-bit, but with some of the things my daughter has witnessed in her young life, I certainly hope that is the case.

  13. By on April 17, 2012

    Good note indeed! I’m pretty much delighted through this note of small things. Thankfully impressed a lot with this note allocation. Keep it up. :)

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