Evidence that chickens will eat anything.  And I mean ANYTHING.
April 16, 2012

We found out that we were expecting the first weekend of March.  I bought a pregnancy test on the way to a five-year-old’s birthday party and took the test in the bathroom while Charlotte and Donald made quality bounce-house memories together.

As it turned out, peeing on a stick was wholly unnecessary because four days later I woke up and smelled OXYGEN and began to heave.  I tore off the covers, bolted out of bed, and weighed my options.  The bathrooms had not yet been cleaned that week and because I am a prissy fool consumed by first-world luxury, I patently refuse to vomit into a toilet that has seen fecal matter more recently than it’s seen a sponge…so without really thinking about it, I ran outside.

I ran into the backyard, kneeled over a tomato plant, and just retched.  I was amazed that there could still be food in my stomach after a night of sleep.  Over and over my stomach clenched and any time something came up, I couldn’t help but be amazed at that fact.

When I was finished, I sat back on my legs and cried.  My neighbor called at me through the fence to see if I was okay and I said yes, just ate something that didn’t agree with me, sorry he had to see that.  And THAT made me cry harder because here I am throwing up all over myself and my half-dead tomato plant with bedhead and sweatpants and my neighbor is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and tending a perfectly manicured garden.

Then, suddenly, there was a squawk as one of the chickens realized with glee that she had just stumbled upon a jackpot.  A vomit-licious jackpot.  Within seconds, our chickens had flocked to scene of the grossness from every corner of the yard and gobbled down every shred of proof that I’d ever been ill.

For the record, I’m not sure I will ever be able to look at another egg quite the same.

** Charlotte is two years and eight months old.  I am eleven weeks pregnant.


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  1. By Courtney @ Bundle of Wonder on April 16, 2012

    HAHA!  This is priceless knowledge for us since we just bought chickens recently (I actually just blogged about them today).  I’m so very sorry you had to get sick like that, but in a way I’m glad because getting sick like that is a good sign!  And you must have found out you were pregnant right after we left California :)  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that one day soon I’ll be joining you on a second pregnancy journey!

  2. By on April 16, 2012

    ewww!  I had no idea chickens were so gross.
    Sorry you are feeling so sick.  Hopefully it will pass quickly.  With both of my kids I was sick all day everyday until 5-5 1/2months so I can totally relate to that feeling.

  3. By Amber on April 16, 2012

    BIRD BRAINS

  4. By on April 16, 2012

    I don’t mean to laugh at your misery, but that was disgustingly funny!!

    It will pass soon!!

  5. By Karen on April 16, 2012

    Sorry you have to endure the sickness, but it is a good sign about pregnancy hormone levels. I’m glad this post came without an accompanying photo! Really, so funny… from their perspective I suppose it’s just free food with a good bit of the digestive work already done for them.

  6. By on April 16, 2012

    eeergh !
    i’m sorry it’s not being very smooth for you right now.. hang in there, and keep laughing, it’s quite a good therapy !

  7. By elizabeth Mackey on April 16, 2012

    what a funny start to this pregnancy!!! Chickens are so weird aren’t they?! We had them growing up and they were endless hours of fun for my siblings and me.

  8. By on April 16, 2012

    At least you didn’t have to clean it up!

  9. By on April 17, 2012

    Oh that is hilarious! I had the exact same thing happen with my first pregnancy. I had terrible sickness the entire time and there was more than one occasion on which the chooks got an extra ‘breakfast’. Thankfully this time around (17 weeks now) I have been feeling great which makes life easier considering number one is only 13 months old!

  10. By Alicia S. on April 17, 2012

    I was thinking the same thing Alexis, lol… There is NOTHING worse than cleaning up vomit when you’re pregnant.

    I feel like I’m the only one of everyone I know who had morning sickness at all. With my first I was hospitalized for dehydration after throwing up 8 times in a single day. With Scarlett, I literally had to eat those “drumstick” ice cream cones for breakfast everyday with a glass of cran-raspberry juice because it was the only thing I could stomach before noon. I remember crying on the way into work because I was feeding my baby so unhealthy… Ugh, no fun. Hope it passes for you soon!

  11. By on April 17, 2012

    Oh hunny, I had severe hyperemisis with both pregnancies, which means I threw up every day for 2 years with only a 3 month break in between, yay me!!! And i had to clean my toilet daily because like you, I can NOT hurl into it if it hasnt been scrubbed. That’s just way to close to other peoples asses and frankly im not ok with that lol.

  12. By heather on April 17, 2012

    Nasty chickens. And the toilet thing cracked me up because I’m the same way. Nothing worse than dry-heaving after a puke because the toilet you just puked in is disgusing. Bleh. I hope your morning sickness is easing up.


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