Just Mom.
January 29, 2013

Last night, Charlotte stopped in the living room to give Evelyn and me goodnight kisses before flitting away to read a story with Donald.

“Okay,” she announced.  “It’s time for me to go to bed now.  I’ll make sure I’m well-rested for preschool tomorrow, okay, Mom?

These days, I’m only Momma half the time.  The other half, I’m just Mom.

It hurts my heart watching Charlotte grow up.  I miss the days I laid her out on a blanket and kissed her chubby thighs and listened to her coo and giggle as the birds flew by.  I miss the days I tucked her into the Ergo and hiked up the top of a hill and nursed her in the shade.  I miss the days she charged down the road to her grandparents in her pink polka-dot onesie with a wood toy clacking along behind.

I miss the days when she let me put pigtails in her hair.  I miss the days when she liked napping beside me in the afternoons.  I miss the days when she wanted to paint before eating breakfast.  I miss the days when she said “LELLOW!” instead of “yellow” and when she described her hair as “blondie.”  I miss the days when she clambered into the carrier and swung her legs back and forth and asked when the baby would be born.

But it would hurt my heart infinitely more if Charlotte never grew up, so I watch this process and I grieve and I celebrate.  I have never been so grateful to be anything in my life as I am to be just Mom.

** Charlotte is three years and six months old.  Evie is eleven weeks old.


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  1. By on January 29, 2013

    My son has started calling me “mom”.  I commented last night on it, and that it meant he was growing up.  He got a little hurt by that and proclaimed that he was still mommy’s baby.  I do miss those little moments, though, and it’s part of the reason why I want to have another baby.

  2. By on January 29, 2013

    Oh man. With 4 kids I feel this everyday. It is a welcome sort of hurting. You wrote this very well. And congrats on that new bundle of love.

  3. By Meg @ Moments Like This on January 29, 2013

    Bean has done this once or twice and I say “Noooo! I’m Mommy!!“ and she looks at me like I’m crazy and so then I say, “Will you please stop growing up?“ and she laughs and says “No, I will not. I will grow up!“ and I hug her and walk into another room and silently cry.

    Sigh.

  4. By on January 29, 2013

    I find myself with these same feelings a lot lately.  My oldest is 3 1/2.  It tears little bits away at from my heart and as I force myself to look forward as I look back.  I never really knew bittersweet until I became a mom…

  5. By on January 29, 2013

    It’s bittersweet.  I’ve been a nanny for the same kids for a couple years and I just looked the oldest the other day and realized she wasn’t a little kid anymore.  She was almost a tween.  Ouch.

    Ps.  I’m really craving some pictures.  And chance you could just dump 50 photos of your little dumplings for us to drool over?

  6. By on January 29, 2013

    Oh this made me tear up. I feel the same way (my kids are 4.5 and 18 months) what a privilege to raise children! I have been reading your blog since Charlotte was just a babe. Congratulations on your new daughter!

  7. By on January 29, 2013

    Barbara Kingsolver has a very similar sentiment in one of her books…from “Animal Dream”, I think. Anyway:
    “It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.“

  8. By on January 29, 2013

    You may find that she takes to calling you Momma again, once you start begging Evie to call you Momma.


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