This is for those of you who complimented my birthin’ hips.
April 01, 2009

When Donald and I were engaged, it took me about .02 seconds to pick my wedding gown.  I was very excited about the dress and I eagerly booked the soonest available dress fitting session.  That I still remember the name of the sales associate who helped me out is a testament to the amount of brain damage I sustained in that forty minute period.  Her name was Christine.

Before I was allowed to try on the dress of my dreams, Christine needed to take my measurements.

Pre-pregnancy, I had a very slender build.  I suppose to some extent that I still do, but pregnancy has begun to take its toll on body parts that I never expected to change.  Like my face.  My face has rounded a little, so that where I once had dimples, I now have two chins.  Donald is smart enough to lie and say that no, he still sees the dimples, maybe, he thinks, possibly, like, isn’t that them right there?  But let’s be honest.  My double chin has effectively ousted my dimples.

At any rate, I had a very slender build and Christine was more than happy to tell me so.  She measured my height and weight and bust, all the while dropping a compliment here and a compliment there.  And, of course, I was more than willing to bask in her attention.

After my bust, she measured my waist.  I have such a tiny waist!  I would fit into any dress!  She would kill for a waist like mine!  (Bask, bask, bask).  Then she measured my hips.  She frowned.  She looked at her measurement chart.  She looked at me.  She measured my hips again.  She frowned some more.  She re-measured my waist.  She looked at me.  Then she measured my hips a third time.  And that’s when Christine said it:

“I know you must get this all the time, but you have HUGE hips!  Your waist:hips ratio is ENORMOUS!“

To which I responded that thank you, she must sell shitloads of dresses whenever she tells someone that they have hips like an elephant.  Then I went home and had a good chuckle about it, because really?  I’ve encoutered toothpicks with more OOMPH than me.  The end.

***I know that I am woefully behind in updating the design column and the daily photograph and doing things like commenting and e-mailing, but I am not feeling very well.  I don’t know if I have Braxton-Hicks or what, but whatever it is feels like menstrual cramps from Hell.  Hopefully I’ll get around to these things soon!

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  1. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on April 01, 2009

    Are you serious?  What on earth was she thinking?  You should never, ever tell someone that let alone if they are trying on wedding dresses.  Especially when it’s obviously not true!!  I’m in shock over here!

  2. By kbreints on April 01, 2009

    LOL! I am sorry that you are not feeling well… be good to yourself and that bun in the oven!

  3. By Mom24@4evermom on April 01, 2009

    That worries me a bit.  I never remember feeling crampy with hiccups…you might want to call your doctor and just run it by them.  Hope you’re feeling all better soon.

  4. By Stephanie on April 01, 2009

    Not to be on red alert, but Braxton Hicks shouldn’t hurt. Whoa, that rhymed! But I would call, double-check. I called my midwife like…probably more than I should have, but she was always happy to answer my questions.

    And also? I want to be measured! I never have. I wonder what my measurements are.

  5. By Allison on April 01, 2009

    Haha. Well, big hips are good for babies :)

    I hope you are feeling better…and I agree that you should call someone about it! Good luck.

  6. By erin on April 01, 2009

    Hopefully you went somewhere else, or got a different consultant!!  I would have popped that one in the nose.

    Be sure to stay hydrated as apparently dehydration can bring on premature labor.  I’ve had a couple moments of bad cramps, like horrible menstrual cramps.  The L&D nurses advised me to drink LOTS of water, and the cramps went away.  Now I keep 3 16-oz. water bottles at my desk to be sure I’m getting enough water.

  7. By Elizabeth on April 01, 2009

    Ha!  And she still sold you your wedding dress? 
    Hope you are feeling better, soon.  I’m with the others - go find out.  BH is no fun, and not even really a good prep, in my opinion… just uncomfortable, not really going anywhere soon.

  8. By Jinxy on April 01, 2009

    What a horrible sales person.  I can’t believe she would say something like that.

    I hope you feel better.  Get lots of rest and drink lots and lots of water.

  9. By Jenna @ Newlyweds on April 01, 2009

    I can’t believe she said that, seriously your hips are tiny!

    Oh another note- for me BH contractions didn’t hurt at all they just felt like a tightening all over.  But when I have real contractions they felt like menstural cramps, so if I were you.  Keep track of them and then if they don’t change or get worse in 1 -2 hours call your dr.

  10. By JestheBes on April 01, 2009

    I hope you feel better soon! Rest assured that with hips like that the baby will just pop right out.

  11. By Rae on April 02, 2009

    So funny. Especially since last I checked a hip to waist ratio was considered good/sexy.

  12. By Heidi on April 03, 2009

    I like Erin’s comment: “I would have popped that one in the nose.“

    I would’ve popped her in the uterus and asked, “How ‘bout them birthin’ hips?“

    My sisters and I always said that trucks with dual rear tires had “good birthing hips.“ :)

  13. By on November 09, 2009

    (I know this is months after this post was originally posted—I’m catching up on archives!) Anyhow, I had the EXACT SAME situation when I was trying on dresses!  The saleswoman measured me and as I stood their awkwardly in my undies she declared that I was shaped like a triangle!  A triangle!  That still irritates me.





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