April 08, 2009

To be honest, I never thought that pregnancy would screw up my emotional stability very much.  The thing that amazes me most about this is that I bought my own bullshit hook, line, and sinker.

Life, quite accordingly, followed up this misguided belief by giving me a case of the CRAZY.  And by CRAZY, I do mean CRAZY.  Not only am I fairly certain that some countries commit women like me, but I really cannot blame them.  The emotional INSANITY that I have been wreaking on our lives is unbelievable.

Donald, for example, recently woke up at the asscrack of dawn to make cinnamon rolls for his coworkers.  This happens twice a year and is a well-established routine.  And this time, he also made brownies from scratch.

I saw the brownies on the kitchen counter and made a mental note of the deliciousness that the baby was going to encounter, and then promptly forgot about them for a few days.  When I finally did remember, I sat at work FANTASIZING about the brownies.  After racing home, I practically FLOATED to the kitchen, so excited was I, only to find that there were no brownies to be had.

My first reaction was disbelief.  HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?!  LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!!

My second reaction was anger.  I probably could have decapitated any one of those office folk with a single glare because they DARED to eat MY brownies.

And my third reaction was a total emotional breakdown, which began with WHY WOULD YOU DEPRIVE ME OF BROWNIES? and lead to tears and somehow moved on to me blubbering on and on about how often my husband did not kiss my belly.

This part here?  This part where a sobbing pregnant woman looks up at her husband and mutters unintelligibly that he does not kiss HER BELLY often enough?  This part where she’s brought to her knees by a batch of BROWNIES?  This is the stuff of family lore.  I will NEVER live down the fact that I managed to squeeze out real tears over *cough* baked goods.

© 2009 Helios Media, Inc.  Please click here to see this illustration on Flickr.
Donald calls this “THE ECLIPSE.“  Sigh.

What is the most ridiculous, emotional nonsense you’ve ever pulled?

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  1. By remember moments on April 08, 2009

    I had some crazy emotional stuff go on while i was PG too - your story is funny and it will be great to look back on. I love the picture/cartoon too!!!

  2. By aimee on April 08, 2009

    It’s been 4 years since I was pregnant so I can’t remember any really specific stories BUT I am certain that I had major meltdowns over similar things as this. I mean brownies are IMPORTANT to a pregnant woman. Very, very important! :)

  3. By Sarah @ This Heavenly Life on April 08, 2009

    I clicked on your link from a comment at Daring Young Mom, and had to comment on this funniness.

    When I was pregnant with my first, I had a breakdown about ice water.  We had just gotten back from a trip to Switzerland where ice water must be illegal or something.  You just can’t find it anywhere.  So I was inhaling the stuff once we got home.  We always bought bagged ice, because our water makes white-powder covered cubes.  Only we were out of the bag.  So I decided cold water from the fridge pitcher would be good enough.  Only my husband had drank the last of it, AND NOT REFILLED IT.  No cold water for me.  I cried.  I threw myself down on the bed in what can only be described as a tantrum.  You are not alone.  You are well within your rights to demand fresh brownies.

  4. By Jes the Bes on April 08, 2009

    After three years of living in The Great White North I still offer the information to my husband that if we to move back to Oklahoma I probably wouldn’t be as cranky, grumpy, rude, miserable, hateful, or cold as I am.

    He still hasn’t taken me up on the offer but told me that I “can move at any time, BUT THE DOG STAY!“

  5. By kbreints on April 08, 2009

    I see nothing wrong with that. :)

  6. By Jaye @ on April 08, 2009

    I sympathize with you and I hate to be the one to break the news, but you’ve still got another 13 weeks of uncalled-for craziness to come.

    I once threw a hissy fit because I couldn’t take Advil Cold and Sinus when I was sick. My husband went to the pharmacy, talked to the pharmacist and came home with the store brand’s version of Tylenol. I freaked out. I told my husband he could have AT LEAST bought me the ACTUAL Tylenol, screw the knock-off cheap brand. He told me the pharmacist compared the medicinal ingredients and they were the EXACT same. I didn’t care. I bawled my eyes out, telling him how f-ing sick I was and if I couldn’t have my “feel high like a kite” Advil cold and sinus, I sure as hell deserved to have REAL Tylenol. He went back and bought me Tylenol.

    When he came home I had cried myself to sleep. Hehe OOps. I guess I didn’t need it that badly, after all…

  7. By Jinxy on April 08, 2009

    I never got crazy while preggo, honest to god.  I can give you my hubby’s email address if you want to check.
    I’ve always been an easy crier, like ridiculously easy.  But after the baby it got worse.
    I would cry over the thought that my baby was getting bigger, that my cup got knocked over, that my baby is really cute.  You get the idea.  It lasted like 3 weeks I thought my hubby was going to go crazy.

  8. By mommyknows on April 08, 2009

    You crack me up! Tell me he made you more brownies.

    I wasn’t weepy, I was mean ... mostly to bitchy cashiers. In normal life, I ignore poor customer service. In my pregnant life I call people on it and then berate them energetically.

  9. By erin on April 08, 2009

    LOVE the dream.  That cracked me up.

    I can’t think of anything in particular that I have gone sideways over but I know there have been a numbers of times that I have.  I know I had a meltdown over not wanting to cook dinner and ordering pizza at one point and how insensitive he was to MAKE ME ORDER PIZZA.  Brian can certainly attest that my particular brand of The Crazy has intensified with pregnancy.  I certainly don’t see it, because I am being perfectly rational and HE JUST DOESN’T UNDERSTAND.  No brownies?  HOW DARE HE.  Brian knows now too to not eat the last Skinny Cow sandwich.

  10. By erin on April 08, 2009

    OMG I remember now - a couple weeks ago I had a MAJOR meltdown over going to church.  We were going to go to a new church, one Brian wanted to go to, so I told him he needed to be the one to do all the legwork.  Get directions, find out times, drive us there, etc.  Saturday night he had not done any of that and was begging me to, so I did. 

    Sunday morning he insisted to me that I was driving and I got ticked.  We got in the car and he had forgotten the directions and Iost it.  We went to church anyway and it was packed, could not get a seat, and I started BAWLING (silently) through the service.  I’m standing there in the back next to Brian and tears are STREAMING down my face, literally streaming, because I have to do all the work, I cannot count on my husband for ANYTHING, he wants something and it is all on me to make it happen, I’m pregnant and no one will give up their seat for me and my legs are cramping from standing in heels, and here we are in the Lord’s house and Jesus is up there on the cross, He died for me, OH THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL.  Brian got REAMED when we got back in the car too, I have to do EVERYTHING and take care of EVERYTHING and I can’t count on him for ANYTHING and what about when I go into labor, am I going to have to drive myself to the hospital when my husband can’t even drive his pregnant wife to church, he can’t even remember the directions and this is something HE wanted to do, not me, and I’m going to have to deliver this baby ALONE because I can’t count on him for ANYTHING, and what about afterwards, I cannot take care of him, I have to breastfeed a baby so he needs to just STEP UP.

    Looking back on it, it’s pretty funny, but I was so convinced at the time that I was being perfectly rational in my distress.

  11. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on April 08, 2009

    You know, I think it’s completely rational to lose it over a batch of brownies.  I’m sure I’ve lost if over far less inconsequential items.  And those brownies sounded good too!  No one can blame you, no one at all!

  12. By Stephanie on April 08, 2009

    WOW, this is a great pregnancy story! Aaha. I had a lot of emotiona thing, like watching really lame movies that weren’t really THAT sad, and absolutely bawling. I made Sean watch Free Willy with me one night, and he had to hold my hand the whole time and rub my head because I was crying so much. I had a few times where I actually WANTED to cry, like in a happy way, so I would watch sweet things (think Milo and Otis) that I knew would provoke me.

    Hmm. Maybe that’s a little on the weird side…

  13. By Allison on April 08, 2009

    Oh :( I so feel for you. I was an emotional wreck at times during my pregnancy. You aren’t alone and it will get better.

    And I PROMISE you? You will laugh about the fact that you sobbed over baked goods one day.

  14. By Katelyn on April 08, 2009

    Re: Illustration: Hahaha, took me a while to put this together.  Funny!

  15. By kbreints on April 08, 2009

    LOL! I saw this illustration on your last post… LOVE it.

  16. By GirlsGoneChild on April 08, 2009

    Hey, Sarah!

    I’m trying to find an email address for you but no avail.

    (See blog for why!)

  17. By Elizabeth Mackey on April 08, 2009

    I remember getting so mad at my husband for something I don’t even remember while in the car. Next light, I got out of the car and walked home!! Only two blocks, but oh the drama! I thought I was going insane that day.
      That baby, now 23, is a huge drama queen to this day.. Maybe she was the one who made me go mental that afternoon?!

  18. By violetismycolor on April 08, 2009

    During my first pregnance, I remember once pulling over to the side of the road and crying my eyes out because the day was gray and cloudy…it made me feel THAT miserable.  Hormones!

  19. By Veronica on April 09, 2009

    With Amy, I remember losing it because Nathan had eaten dinner at a mate’s house and no-one cooks dinner for me dammit! We just won’t mention the fact that I was invited and didn’t feel like going along or any of that.

  20. By Lisa on April 09, 2009

    Better stock up on some mixes.  Pregnancy deserves all the brownies, cookies and muffins in the world.

  21. By gretchen from lifenut on April 09, 2009

    We were eating at a pizza/brewpub type of place one evening when I was pregnant with our first baby.

    I noticed the pizza was a little doughy—-not completely cooked. We’ll say it was 90% baked. I was very alarmed and sure it was going to give me food poisoning and hurt the baby, so I told my husband I couldn’t eat it. He called the waiter over, showed him the doughy pizza, and the waiter took it away saying he would have them bake it a little longer.

    I FREAKED. I was sure the pizza-maker in the back was going to spit on or otherwise defile the pizza because restaurant cooks hate when food is sent back. I worked in restaurants in college and know what goes on in kitchens….

    Anyway, it resulted in a huge fight where my husband accused me of being a paranoid pregnant diva and I accused him of being the kind of guy who doesn’t protect his wife and baby from bad pizza and pizza chef spit. The fight culminated in me locking my husband out of our apartment once we got home and shouting at him through an open window what an uncaring bastard he was.

    I’ll tell my sister’s crazy pregnant story, too: She craved hot dogs with extra mustard when she was pregnant with her daughter. Her husband went to Sonic or some such place to indulge a late-night hot dog craving. He brought it home. She sat at a table, unwrapped it, saw there was NO MUSTARD, and slammed her fist, full-force, down on the hot dog which sent pieces flying. Then, she locked herself in the bathroom and cried her heart out. 

    Crazy pregnant ladies…

  22. By on April 09, 2009

    I’m 31 weeks pregnant and just found your blog.  This entry request was made for me and should make a great first impression! ;-)

    I had two major meltdowns the last time I was pregnant. The 1st was on the heels of the most domestic task & errand filled weekend of my life to date, all in preparation of getting the house ready for the baby.  Home Depot, Bed Bath & Beyond, Babies R Us, you name it…  My husband and I both crashed around 10pm Sunday night and decided we needed to change gears and zone out to a DVR’d episode of Dexter.  At the end, around midnight, I decided I needed a snack before bed.  Husband said, “SURE!  Wadda ya want ?“  I replied, “A cheese sandwich!“  He said, “No problem!“  Then as I was thinking back over the weekend and how productive we’d been, I heard him utter the words, “uh, problem.  We’re out of bread.“  Suddenly I understood those women on Snapped.  The idea that our whole weekend had involved one errand after another and we had worked and worked and worked and then at the end of the day we didn’t even have bread in the house - something went off inside me.  I had the remote in hand and suddenly to my husband’s HORROR I started SLAMMING it into my head as hard as possible.  I mean REALLY HARD and OVER AND OVER.  Then I THREW it down as hard as I could into the carpet and watched it bounce off the wall.  Then I stormed down the hall in a fit of tears and on my way past the laundry room - I PUNCHED a hole through the slats of the door.  As if THEY should have been the ones to have gotten the bread!  I ended up sitting on the toilet in tears trying to catch my breath until my husband came to check to see if the woman he’d married’s head had begun to spin.  The look on his face, “um, Sonja?  Are ya OK?“  and just thinking about what I had just done all over the fact that there was NO BREAD - for the LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!!  THANKFULLY I burst out laughing and we both kindof had a moment of, “Well THAT was crazy!“  “Is the remote OK?“  “I punched a hole THROUGH the slats?  Can you fix it??“  This has of course gone on to become my sister’s favorite story to embarrass me with simply because I’m the “good sister” in comparison and anybody that knows me can’t even imagine. 

    The 2nd meltdown was later when I heard my husband say there was a SNAKE in the FOYER “just a second ago but now I can’t find it”... I’m not embarrassed about that one - after all, we were “ABOUT TO BRING A BABY HOME!!!!!!!!! YOU’RE TELLING ME THERE’S A SNAKE IN THE HOUSE??!!??“. I think under those circumstances we’d all hyperventilate and lock ourselves in the bathroom crumbled into a sobbing heap…RIGHT!?!

    So for THIS pregnancy, just one meltdown.  It didn’t involve my husband, (until I called him) but it did involve of all places a maternity store.  I went to Destination Maternity. In Charlotte, it’s A Pea in the Pod, Mimi Maternity and Motherhood all in one. Just a heads up that their return policy is REDICULOUS. There’s a contract on the receipt that they make you sign and I misunderstood it to just mean you couldn’t return an On Sale item. But no, you can’t return ANYTHING for a refund - only a store credit. I’ve bought in this store and the others many times but I’d just never encountered the situation of wanting to return a fairly expensive item and not wanting the store credit. You’d think a company whose customer base is pregnant would be a little more accommodating - but apparently not.  I took this $75 dress up the street to my Mom’s who was watching my son & brought it right back after she confirmed that it wasn’t “all that”.  When they told me they could only give me a credit, I just lost it and burst into tears.  Then I got MAD that they had upset me!  I told them they could keep all their free orange juice and water and I HALF WAY thought about knocking over an entire table stacked shirts in the floor - but thankfully I didn’t!!  Major tears, hyperventilating in the car, my husband FREAKED when I called him and was just “huh-uh-uh-huh-uh-uh”...  I realized a couple hours later, “WOW.  I really lost it.“  Lets just say that after I “took it to the top” with their corporate people, threatened them with Twitter and Facebook and mass negative publicity, I got my money back and I was able to show my face in the store to get my credit without being “that crazy pregnant lady that destroyed the store”.  But it was still a major meltdown of three year old proportions!

    So that’s ME!!  Happens to the best of us and makes for great stories years later…:-)

  23. By Jennifer W. on April 09, 2009

    Be thankful you are writing this blog and commemorating this experience.  I cannot tell you where my memory has been since getting pregnant and having a baby. I thought I would find said memory after the baby was born.  I didn’t.  I thought it would come running back to me after baby started sleeping through the night.  It didn’t.  Stupid memory clearly does not want to be used and therefore I have no irrational stories to tell.  Of course it could be because I have NEVEREVEREVER been irrational.  ESPECIALLY when GROSSLY with child.

  24. By Dianna on April 09, 2009

    Hmmm, guess that means it’s really bad if I have meltdowns over baked goods and am not pregnant….

  25. By on April 09, 2009

    This reminds me of the time I had a complete and total meltdown because my poor dead husband didn’t get me a pair of slippers I really wanted.  He got me all sorts of lovely things but I was so focused on those stupid slippers! And of course not getting them for me totally meant he didn’t love me :) Ah pregnancy… heheh

  26. By Napmom on April 10, 2009

    My meltdown was not irrational - I think.

    We saved all of Emily’s clothes (10 years worth at this point).  They were taking up too much space in our house and we needed to make room for baby (knew it was a boy).  Decided to get rid of Emily’s clothes. 

    I sat down in that hallway and went through every single piece of her clothes and remembered ever moment that she lived in each piece of clothing.  I called my mom (after my dear husband laughed at me) and I was sobbling.  The words that came out of my mouth when mom answered the phone were, “I can’t send her to college mom.“  I was sobbing and she could hardly understand me.

    Then, my dad got on the phone and told me that I could bring all of the clothes to his house and that they would store them for me and that I didn’t have to give them up… I could keep them forever… in their house… and still have room for a baby brother in my house.

    We finally conceded that I would give away the ones that I could part with and keep my favorites.  I wittled the pile down to a very respectable group of faves. 

    Hah!  Crisis averted!

    Best of luck to you Sarah.  Thanks for sharing your story and brining back that memory.

  27. By WaltzInExile on April 10, 2009

    I’d like to share a moment of my own pregnancy insanity, in hopes it might help you feel slightly better about crying over baked goods…

    Let me start by saying that I am not a crier.  I’m just not.  I have to be so upset by something that I have no other reaction but to cry, to cry.  This is useful, in that Goat Daddy pretty much jumps when I DO cry.  (No, I don’t manufacture tears to manipulate this benefit.  Which probably reinforces the benefit, honestly.  Anyway—)  One day, about month 6 into my first pregnancy, Goat Daddy came home to find me sobbing on the couch.  He kept asking me what was wrong, and searching all over to see if I had hurt myself, and I could not even talk from the sobbing.  Finally, I managed to get out “Shuh-uh-uh-SHE…Luh-uh-uh-UVED Huh-uh-uh-IM Suh-uh-uh-SOOO Muh-uh-uh-uh-UCH..!“  And as I stuttered through the rest of what soon proved to have been the plotline of a “Touched By An Angel” episode, I thought he was going to kill me for scaring him so badly.  (He blocked that channel on the cable for the rest of my pregnancy.  He’d have blocked cotton commercials, too, if he could have figured out how, I’m sure.) 
    Seriously, now, brownies are so much more important to cry over than a sappy drama about imaginary people, don’t you think?
    (FTR, when I was 9 days pregnant with Goat #2, Goat Daddy was the one who figured it out first, when he said “The last time you were this crazy was when….OH.“  Yep.  Apparently my pregnancy symptoms include “Completely irrational crying about things which no normal and sane human being would cry over.“)
    Bet you feel better about those brownies NOW, huh?

  28. By Elizabeth on April 10, 2009

    I love the belly picture! :)

  29. By on May 15, 2009

    Love it! A friend forwarded this to me a few days ago,. so yea here’s a late comment, sorry. :-D
    Honestly, I could get upset over brownies w/ out being preggo, but that’s because my hubby could eat an entire pan in front of the children and i and never flinch! Of course he would deny this. heh
    When i was preggers w/ our 1st monkey, i had random anger and WIERD WIERD dreams. Never been a jealous person, always secure in our relationship,.. was taking a nap before going in to work 3rd shift one night,. and i dreamt that i was driving in a car behind my hubby,..and he was riding with some blonde. They stopped at a red light, and BOTH leaned towards the middle of the car and kissed. Just a simple KISS. Right at that moment my loving hubby came in to wake me up for work. I completely knew it was a dream, but i came out of a sleep and punched him as hard as i could in the stomach. Oops. He yelled “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!“  I sheepishly said, “uh,.. well nothing now,..sorry about that.“
    The End. :-D

  30. By on May 18, 2009

    I was heartbroken to find that my husband didn’t love me when he went out and got me a chocolate milkshake from the wrong restaurant. I was devastated, he obviously did not care about me at all. This was around month 8. It was all downhill from there.

  31. By on January 24, 2010

    I’m new to your blog so this is the first I’ve heard of the brownie incident. I have to say in your defense: well, they were brownies, after all.

  32. By Kelly Downs on January 25, 2010

    I just discovered your blog!!!  I am cracking up!  While pregnant with my third boy, I had an emotional breakdown at Chuck E. Cheese.  I used the f word, threw all the coats, the diaper bag, and my 20 month old son at my husband then burst into tears.  i was asked to leave! 

    Love your blog!


  33. By on January 26, 2010

    I try to forget it, it’s so humilating; but I do remember sobbing down the stairs, embracing my inner martyr and promising to move to CA to live with my old maid aunt whom I hadn’t seen in 15 years because that would be better than living with someone who didn’t love US enough to fold the laundry on the day it comes out of the dryer.  Ugh.  Thankfully, this is never thrown up in my face.

  34. By Mrs. Sitcom on February 25, 2010

    I fully expect that I will have meltdownS over baked goods.  I should probably warn Mr. Perfect…..NAH!  He’ll figure it out HA!





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