Totally batshit crazy.
May 06, 2009

There are plenty of stories about pregnant woman completely losing their minds.  You wouldn’t think one’s common sense would be directly tied to one’s uterus, but you would be wrong.  Pregnancy, in a nutshell, is an experience wherein you pop a little sperm up in there and check your sanity at the door.

The non-pregnant Sarah was reasonably capable of keeping her moments of lunacy to herself.  And I’ll be the first to admit that I never understood why pregnant women were given such liberty to act like harebrained fools.  I can actually remember having a conversation with my husband wherein I stated that he had every right to wallop me over the head if I ever acted unreasonable and blamed it on pregnancy hormones.

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THAT STATEMENT BACK.  And all of you have permission to wallop me over the head for even THINKING something so ludicrous.

The pregnant Sarah?  IS A FUCKING LOON.  An absolute madcap.  My poor husband is basically walking around with a look of bewilderment permanently plastered on.

Case in point: after work yesterday, I walk to my car, get in, and start the engine.  And when I start the engine, I hear THUMP THUMP THUMP sounds behind me.  So I – are you ready for the madness?! – check for a prowler UNDERNEATH my seat.  There was no prowler under the driver’s seat, OF COURSE, so I shake my head, get back in the car, put my seatbelt back on and re-start the engine.  And again, I hear THUMP THUMP THUMP sounds behind me, but this time I shrug and head home.

Halfway through my drive home, I hear the THUMP THUMP THUMP sound again and suddenly, it occurs to me what the sound is.  There is not a single shred of doubt in my mind and there is no other logical explanation, I just KNOW: someone has stuffed a dead body in my trunk and it is banging around in there.

So I did what any woman who finds herself in this situation would do.  I exit the freeway, park in an empty lot, and open my trunk.  WITH MY FINGERS PINCHING MY NOSE.  And what did I find?

A couple books and some jumper cables.


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  1. By kbreints on May 06, 2009

    !!!! Yeah… you are a loon… but you are alowed to be :)

  2. By Kyla Roma on May 06, 2009

    Ha! Amazing - I love your writing style! I’m definitely a new fan, glad I found you! =)

  3. By Megan at From A Sesame Seed on May 06, 2009

    What does it mean that I always check under all my seats for prowlers?  And this was BEFORE pregnancy.

  4. By katie on May 06, 2009

    Hmmm, this does not bode well for me. I do that kind of stuff now, in my very non-pregnant state.

  5. By Allison on May 06, 2009

    Hahaha—you are too funny.

    I’m glad no prowler was hiding underneath your seat and no dead body was in your trunk ;)

  6. By Trenches of Mommyhood on May 06, 2009

    This totally cracked me up!  My best pregnancy moment(s) were when I would put the milk in the cupboard and the box of cereal in the fridge.  I did this on way more than one occasion.

  7. By erin on May 06, 2009

    You hit the nail on the head - totally batshit crazy.  See also: every other day of my pregnancy thus far and my poor exhausted husband.

    And guess what!  You only get loonier the closer you get to your due date!  Yay!

  8. By Clare on May 06, 2009

    Hmm. That sounds ilke me not pregnant and overtired.

  9. By repliderium.com on May 06, 2009

    I watched my best friend loose her mind while pregnant. Though confusing and disturbing for Susin, it was a BLAST for me!!!
    ;)

  10. By Napmom on May 06, 2009

    Unfortunately - this paranoia will continue even after the babies’ are born.  Well, it did for me at least.

  11. By Steph on May 06, 2009

    LOL

    yes, I remember I was crazy when I was pregnant with my daughter. Not only crazy, but completely scatter-brained. The thing that hurt the most, was when I went to a bank machine, put my card in, entered my pin, choose to withdraw $200 and got my card back and walked away. WITHOUT THE FREAKING MONEY. I went back 2 seconds later and the cash was gone. GONE. *CRY*  That story still hurts.

    I’m pregnant again but haven’t gone completely mad yet. It’s a work in progress. :)

  12. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on May 06, 2009

    oh man, I do things like that now.  I think I’m really going to be in trouble…

  13. By Elly on May 06, 2009

    Hahahaha, that’s a brilliant post! I’m sorry that you’re a loon right now but really? It makes for the most hilarious posts! :)

  14. By Chocolate and Whine on May 06, 2009

    The only thing that’s crazy is that you drove to an EMPTY LOT to find out if there was a dead body in your trunk! Why didn’t you go to an area that was well populated?! What if it WAS a body, but it was a LIVE body? And you’re there, all by your pregnant lonesome. Then what?!

    (Maybe I’m pregnant. Hm.)

  15. By Dutch Donut Girl on May 06, 2009

    Bhaa hhaaa, now that is funny.

  16. By Emily on May 06, 2009

    You are a riot!  Thank you for your wonderful insight, hysterical anecdotes, and sheer entertainment!  And, honestly, inducing a little fear in someone who thinks way too much about being with child…ahem.

    I stumbled upon your blog and now I can’t get enough of your posts!  You’ve really got a fan base going here…

    Cheers!

  17. By Kelly Lininger on May 06, 2009

    Great story….hey I do that stuff and I am so NOT pregnant.. hmmmm

    Kelly

  18. By Katie on May 08, 2009

    I yelled at my husband the other night because it was taking him so long to grill chicken for dinner.  Seriously.  I’ve lost my pregnant mind.  Glad I’m not the only one.

  19. By on May 08, 2009

    You’ve made my day with your story.  I am laughing out loud here.  I’m also 30 weeks pregnant, due July 1st.  I’m so glad I’ve stumbled upon your blog, through Jasmine Star’s blog.  I’ll be checking back often to see how you’re doing ;)

  20. By Elizabeth on May 08, 2009

    I think that I’m just as bad postpartum! :)

  21. By Sarah on May 10, 2009

    Really enjoyed reading your blogs. Brought back many memories.


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