33 Weeks: Pregnancy shenanigans.
May 27, 2009

The curious thing about pregnancy is that sometimes long stretches of time will pass without a single notable ANYTHING happening.  No new sensations, no new emotions, no new nothing.  Then, just as you become accustomed to the doldrums, just as you convince yourself that no news is good news, BAM!  The entire scope of EVERYTHING happens in a seven-day period.

The last week has been one of THOSE weeks.

Pregnancy-wise, everything is going great.  We are officially heads-down and ready for take-off, which greatly pleases the doctor.  In addition, the baby has grown immensely over the past month: it has grown longer and has put on some of that ridiculously adorable baby chub that I cannot resist.  Ever.  Under any circumstances.  As soon as my vagina thrusts this child into the world, I fully intend to accomplish nothing.  I will be far too busy nibbling and munching and gobbling down baby cuteness.

It’s EVERYTHING ELSE that has made the last week a living Hell.

It’s the fingers that swelled another full ring size.  My fingers are now nearly three ring sizes larger than they were the day I married my husband, and there is so much swelling in the morning that I cannot make a fist without significant discomfort.  I have gained 30 pounds on the nose thus far, but everybody agrees that 90% of this weight currently resides in my fingers.

It’s the unbelievable insomnia when all I want is two straight hours of sleep.  It’s the phenomenal, throbbing pain in my feet every evening after we take Hank for a walk.  It’s finding that bras made for women my current cup size are all business.  They are utilitarian MY NAME IS GERTRUDE bras that exude zero sexiness, zero flirtatiousness, zero “nobody knows it, but I’m wearing AWESOME lingerie today” ness.

It’s the coworker who stupidly said that he had no idea I was pregnant all this time, he just thought I’d let myself go.

It’s wondering when this whole thing will finally be over.  It’s feeling like I cannot stop myself from overreacting.  It’s knowing that I cannot ACTUALLY turn my jackass coworker into a smoldering pile of ashes, no matter how vividly I dream it up.

But then I remember that a couple pounds of fat are currently being deposited in my baby’s cheeks, and that about takes care of all the stressful crap in life.  I think of all the baby chub I have to look forward to, all the coos and cuddles and sleepless nights, and I think YEAH, I’D DO THIS PREGNANCY THING AGAIN.

Truth is?  I would.

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  1. By Country-Fried Mama on May 27, 2009

    Your co-worker must be legally blind, as it appears you have only “let yourself go” right there in the middle of your tummy.

    The end of pregnancy can feel looong. Hang in there.

  2. By on May 27, 2009

    I feel your pain…

    I’m 29 weeks pregnant and I have felt fantastic throughout the whole second trimester, but the last few weeks have not been quite so great.

    I really thought I would sail through my whole pregnancy, but maybe what everyone says about the third trimester is true…

    In the past few weeks, my belly has become a little unwieldy, my ankles have swollen up, the constipation is back…

    Keep your chin up. You look great and it’ll all be worth it in the end!

  3. By Buckeroomama on May 27, 2009

    I DREAM of doing it again.  :)

  4. By kbreints on May 27, 2009

    You totally do not look pregnant from the back. at all. Youa re going to be one of those disgusting :) woman that wears her pre-maternity jeasn out of the hospital.

    Go girl.

  5. By repliderium.com on May 27, 2009

    Yeah- your back photo looks pre-baby! You look terrific & baby chub is what makes the world go ‘round!

  6. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on May 27, 2009

    Thanks for the nice compliments on my backside!  Lol.  I don’t think I’ll be fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans anytime soon though.  Trust me.  Those suckers won’t even make it into the overnight bag.

  7. By Jennifer W. on May 27, 2009

    Okay, except for the tale-tell sway back you look HOT from behind.  Well, you look pregnant hot from the side and front too but anyway.  These last weeks will simultaneously fly by and drag along.  You will be holding that surprise bundle of joy in no time.  Until then, feel free to check for baby chub on this side.  We’ve got plenty of chunk to go around :)

  8. By Chocolate and Whine on May 27, 2009

    I was going to come over and tell you how great and not-pregnant your ass looks… and then I realized everyone else has already done it. So… yeah. I have nothing else to say for myself.

  9. By Steph on May 27, 2009

    looks like your belly has dropped a little too!!

    the swelling for me was really bad too.. i didn’t want anyone to take pictures of me because of my “30 pound” nose… and my face.. i couldn’t even believe i was looking at myself in the mirror..

    wish i did take some pics though.. you’ll be happy you have all these gorgeous shots :) (Swelling or no…)

  10. By Megan (mommyesquire) on May 27, 2009

    You’ll say that you’ll do it again even right after giving birth - I did.  And the swelling goes away really quickly!

  11. By sarah on May 27, 2009

    The insomnia was the worst for me! You are nearly there and it’s going to be GREAT.

  12. By Dianna on May 27, 2009

    Okay, yeah…no offense but your co-worker is an ass.  And three ring sizes?  That is crazy.  At least you are on the downhill slide now.

  13. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on May 27, 2009

    Dianna - You’re certainly not being offensive calling him an ass.  I cursed up a storm in my head when it happened!

  14. By Elizabeth Mackey on May 27, 2009

    OOO I know that ring size thing!! My feet and hands were so swollen. When I graduated from college, I was about two weeks from delivery,and I couldn’t see my feet, nor put on enclosed shoes! So I very carefully painted my toe nails, a feat to this day I don’t know how I accomplished,and wore a leather pair of flip flops.!!

    When you deliver,and you are that swollen with water, watch right after delivery how you pee like a race horse,all that excess water. When I left the hospital, 35 pounds was instantly gone!!  So, hey you will do fantastic, if it is only 30 lbs you’ve gained,because as you know, if you baby is around a normal weight of 7 plus lbs, that is 25 lbs total. You are doing so well,and look a hell of a lot better than I did!! It’s your first and you will bounce back like a champ, you’ll see.

  15. By Megan on May 27, 2009

    YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!  I say that with complete sincerity, the 30 pounds looks great!!!!!!

  16. By lceel on May 27, 2009

    The one thing that I find MOST amazing about women (and I find MANY things amazing about women) is that having once had a baby, they are perfectly willing to go back and DO IT AGAIN!

    I have been present for childbirth.  I know what it’s like.  You could NEVER get ME to do that TWICE!  Never mind more than that.

  17. By Mommica on May 27, 2009

    Your co-worker = DOUCHEBAG!

    And it’s true: It is all worth it. Even the part about the douchebag co-worker.

  18. By Spruce Hill on May 27, 2009

    You are getting so close! The last part is hard. My ankles got very large and I could not wear real shoes!

    You are right about the cheeks! It is so worth the extra weight!

  19. By Meg G on May 27, 2009

    Damn your co-worker is an ass. First, how blind is he? Second, even if he thought you let yourself go, why would he say it? There are just some things you just don’t say

  20. By Sue Gir on May 27, 2009

    I perfectly understand. In my case, after the end of pregnancy, all I remember from it is the way the baby twitched and turned inside my tummy. And the way my big tummy looked. And all those concessions you get since you are pregnant! I’ll definitely do that again.
    But all of them thought I was pregnant. I didn’t have a co-worker like yours :-)

    BTW, thanks for stopping by my blog. I followed the link you had left…

  21. By Elizabeth on May 27, 2009

    Hang in there.  You look amazing.  Not preggo?  The person is an idiot.

  22. By erin on May 27, 2009

    Oh, Elizabeth is so right about peeing out all that weight.  My stepmother mentioned that also and I did not believe her until I did it myself.  I was completely stunned at the sheer volume of liquid that left my body in one sitting.

    And trust me, the irrationality does not go away.  This afternoon Brian dropped me off in front of Costco so I could run in to pick up some photos we had printed, and was not waiting outside when I came out.  I looked in the parking lot for 10 minutes until I found him, feeling increasingly hysterical because MY HUSBAND HAD ABANDONED ME with our baby in the car and I would never see her again, and it was 95’ and I was sweaty and HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME.  It was all I could do to hold it together and not lose my shit right there in the parking lot in front of half of Sacramento County.

  23. By Nin on May 28, 2009

    I hope you feel better soon! I felt a lot better when I dropped at around 34 weeks and now at 38 weeks I feel practically normal again (aside from not being able to roll over in bed). So far I’ve managed to escape most of the classic ‘issues’ but started to ride the emotional rollercoaster a couple of days ago which took me rather by surprise as at first I didn’t realise why I was crying, lol!

  24. By tracey on May 28, 2009

    What a dork. People don’t realize how their comments can hurt. Go take all of his staples out of his stapler. Oh, and turn everything around on his desk. That’ll teach him!

  25. By Lisa on May 28, 2009

    I gather your blood pressure is ok and it’s just the normal third trimester unpleasantness?  It is SO worth it to get a baby!

  26. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on May 28, 2009

    Lisa - It’s actually really hard to say how my blood pressure is doing.  I typically have very low blood pressure, so low that doctors ask me how I’m standing after they repeat the test twelve times because they thought maybe their machine broke.  REALLY.  It’s now somewhere around 90/60 or 100/60, which is still low, but very high for me.  Since I’m at risk for pre-e, they’ve been keeping a close eye on it, but everybody agrees that it’s difficult to really assess when I’m never even remotely close to average.  So we’re just hoping it doesn’t get any higher in the next few weeks!

  27. By Sarah Lam on May 31, 2009

    I stumbled your blog from Julia and Tyson’s blog. You make me want to be a mum instantly. I got married 2 months ago and I love reading mum blogs now. Enjoy your blog very much. I hope you have a safe pregnancy. Can’t wait to read about your birth giving experience.





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