51 weeks: Momma’s middle.
September 30, 2009

I gained 34 pounds during my pregnancy with Charlotte.  The weight gain itself never bothered me.  After all, I knew before I got knocked up that a healthy baby needed a few chocolate shakes every now and then (AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?) and I’ve long been of the opinion that indulgence in chocolate shakes is, well, perilous.  But the fact that my face swelled so fantastically, that overnight my face began to retain more water than the Pacific Ocean?


Four weeks postpartum.  An angle you didn’t see in this post.

That really Pissed. Me. Off.

During my pregnancy, Donald was nice enough to tell me that I was crazy.  I wasn’t retaining that much water, he promised, and to him, I was beautiful.  Then, a few weeks after Charlotte was born, he found a photograph of me on his phone.

It didn’t help that I was enormously pregnant in the photograph and it REALLY didn’t help that I was shoveling an entire twelve-course meal into my mouth, small child included, but I kid you not, that man turned to me with a white flag in hand and said OKAY, YOU WERE RIGHT.  Right about what?, I asked.  Your face really did look a little like Godzilla, he conceded.  Godzilla or Chris Farley.  Either iether.

Like honesty is ever the best policy in a marriage.


Eight weeks postpartum in non-maternity jeans.  I COULD NOT BREATHE.

Over the past three weeks or so, I finally shaved off the very last of the pregnancy poundage.  I am now the weight I was when I turned to my husband, ovulation stick in hand, and commanded that he rip off his clothes and impregnate me.  For the first time in nearly a year, I can shove my postpartum ass into my pre-chocolate-shake jeans, but you know what?  It doesn’t feel as great as I thought it would.

The truth is that my body just isn’t the same, regardless of what the scale tells me.  I never jiggled before, but now I do.  The jeans that once hung on my hips with room to spare now will only fit with an act of divine intervention.  And look, I cherish my body because it gave me my daughter and it’s a better body now and blah de blah blah, BUT I’m still a woman, and I like to look and feel a certain way.  It doesn’t matter that I can shimmy into a couple pairs of jeans because they just don’t fit the same.

As a result, I decided that today was THE DAY.  Today, I was going to start an exercise regime of crunches and push-ups and sit-ups and extra walks.  Those skinny jeans in the back of the dresser were going to fit if it was the last thing I did, I told myself.  I even set the alarm early to rise to the occasion.


Ten weeks postpartum.  About two minutes prior to yesterday’s evening walk with the dog.

Of course, when the alarm rang, I woke up disheveled and confused, turned it off, and flopped back over in bed.  Oh well.  Who needs skinny jeans anyway?  I can tackle those later.  I’m my pre-pregnancy weight, even if I’m not my pre-pregnancy shape, and that?

That calls for a chocolate shake.  AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?


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  1. By Kate on September 30, 2009

    I think you look fabulous, skinny jeans or not! Husband and baby love you just the way you are—so live it up, sister. Chocolate shakes all around!

  2. By Huck on September 30, 2009

    Many of my friends became pregnant when I started to flare last year, and once I was on steroids ... we were all expanding at approximately the same rate. We had a lot in common, actually—the puking, the tiredness, and the expansion. Except they got cute maternity clothes, and I just got fat clothes.  I’m a bit bitter.  :)

    Any way. My SO was very good about denying my Jabba da Hut-ness. He was so good that I almost believed him and was convinced that all the scales were lying. SOs are great that way. But yeah.. .there came a point (when I started losing weight) and we were both looking back at photos of my fat face and we were both like… “dang.“

    Congrats on reaching the pre-pregnancy marker… and good luck with the reshaping!

  3. By kbreints on September 30, 2009

    You look great! IT is true though that you can get back to that weight, but your body is forever changed. It just is…

  4. By beyond on September 30, 2009

    you are RIGHT!

  5. By Joanie on September 30, 2009

    You are so right!

    I never did get my pre-pregnancy shape back, regardless of even going lower than my pre-pregnancy weight. Baby just shifted everything around in there I suppose. But I figure, what the heck, I’m going to do it again. Why worry?

  6. By Jessika on September 30, 2009

    Oh my gosh. You are hot. You make me want to have a baby if THAT’S the shape I get after baby.

    I need to join a gym. Seriously. I have no excuse to have this extra 20 on me.

    I know, you want to feel the way you did pre-baby. I get it. Just a warning that those birthin’ hips? They may make Donald rip off those clothes and impregnate you again.

  7. By Elizabeth on September 30, 2009

    Shake it up, baby, shake it up.  There’s time and more time ahead, from my perspective.  Enjoy what you’ve got now.

  8. By repliderium.com on September 30, 2009

    Say whatever you want but I have to say that you look pretty freaking amazing for having just given birth to an entire human being!!!
    ps- whoever invented skinny jeans is an ASSHOLE!

  9. By mommica on September 30, 2009

    I lost all my weight too - I’m even a couple pounds LIGHTER than before I got pregnant. I think those couple of pounds came out of my boobs… Which is to say, The Bod is never gonna be the same.

    So you might as well put off that exercise regime till you’re done having kids. That’s my excuse anyway…

  10. By Stephanie on September 30, 2009

    Amen, sister! I’m 33w and so far I’ve gained 19 pounds. I am hoping that it comes off just as easy for me. But yes, you are right.. it ALL calls for a nice thick chocolate shake! Mmmm.

  11. By Elly on September 30, 2009

    You’re attitude is awesome. Rock on chocolate shakes! :)

  12. By Laura on September 30, 2009

    I gained 27lbs while I was pregnant and am so ready to lose the rest of my baby weight (that’s 10lbs). In fact, tomorrow Hubby and I are going to join the gym. I’m pretty excited. But like you said, your body isn’t the same and never will be. Never again will I be able to wear a bikini. Too many stretchmarks. Ugh.

  13. By Beth in SF on September 30, 2009

    well, I gained 45, and I still have 20 of it 16 months later.  I have tried to no avail to watch the food intake (not really dieting per sae) and I don’t have a lot of spare time for exercising.  It sucks.

  14. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on September 30, 2009

    Beth - You know, people told me that it was all in the food intake stuff, but I think I just got good genes from my mom.  I wanted to keep on about 10 pounds since I was a bit underweight to start and I didn’t want to have problems breastfeeding, but it just peeled off.  If it hadn’t, I’d be in your shoes too.  With a baby, there just isn’t much time for exercise, and it’s hard to put your wants first when someone else’s needs are at the forefront of your mind.  As long as you’re confident in your skin, I say rock on!

  15. By Bea on September 30, 2009

    Sing it Sister! Pass the chocolate, won’t you?

  16. By Mary @ Parenthood on October 02, 2009

    I dissected a pregnant fish in high school and after that I pretty much knew that my body would never, ever be the same. 

    They are totally worth it though :)  Charlotte is very cute for sure.

    On the exercise front, I’ve found it helpful to get involved with a mom’s exercise group.  Our neighbourhood has a strollercize group which combines exercise with the stroller followed by abdominal exercises for moms.  Elizabeth always enjoys the outing and it has helped me feel more in shape.

  17. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on October 02, 2009

    Mary - I’ll have to keep my eye out for groups like that; it sounds like a great way to keep in shape as well as meet fellow moms.

    That said, A PREGNANT FISH?!  I think I have a date with Google now.

  18. By Trenches of Mommyhood on October 02, 2009

    Just so you know…

    IT’S NEVER THE SAME.


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