September 24, 2009

Donald and I spend a ludicrous and embarrassing amount of time holding our baby and saying to one another that she is just so beautiful.  There has never been another baby so ravishing.  We got the best baby EVER.  And gee golly whiz bang, she’s awfully smart and advanced for her age.  Just look at her using her neck muscles!  We clearly have the most intelligent baby IN THE WORLD.  Our kid is awesome.

Those poor other parents.  They all have inferior children.

The halo-clad perfect child, the green mother-bias glasses, and the, well, LOOK, if I’m going to screw with a picture, I might as well have a bit of fun, right?

Clever and pretty and superior.  You know what my father says when he hears us talking out of our asses like this?  He says, Oh yeah, she’s really brilliant, YOU SHOULD HAVE HER TESTED.  Like sarcasm is something that new parents actually understand.

So without really meaning to, I have become a walking cliché.  Like any good mother, I honestly believe that I have never seen anything so wondrous as my child.  Never mind the BILLIONS of children that have existed throughout history; I can easily convince myself that the universe has never before been graced with someone as astonishing as Charlotte.

You think I’m kidding, but I’m not.  I could probably convince myself that she poops rainbows and farts butterflies too.  People stop me in the grocery and say Oh, what a lovely baby! and even though I just say “thank you,” what I’m really thinking is: I KNOW.

Thankfully, the longer that I am a parent, the more I am able to see that I’m full of shit.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think my kid is adorable.  And that kid over there?  The one that isn’t my kid?  Well.  I guess they’re okay.  I mean, they’re cute, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN MINE?  MINE IS FREAKING PRECIOUS.

But I’m still full of shit.  I always thought I would be the one mother to rise above the cliché and be completely objective about my bundle of joy.  Instead, I’m more biased than a judge in the mob’s pocket.

And the original…

Of course, I’m allowed to think that.  I’m allowed to drone on and on about how Fantastic! and Amazing! and MARVELOUS! my offspring is every time she blows a couple spit bubbles.  I call it a mother’s prerogative.

Is anybody else a hopeless cliché?  Or do you walk to your own beat?

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  1. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on September 24, 2009

    Oh - most definitely!  I’ve already started.  Someone asked me a question the other day and I whipped out my ultrasound picture (the one that’s my screen saver on my phone).  I haven’t even birthed the child yet and already I’ve become one of those parents who has to show pictures and talk about the cute things that their kid does.  And you know what?  I’m okay with that.  ;)

  2. By Erin on September 24, 2009

    Pshh….Jeremy and I are both totally the same way. We have the same discussions that you and Donald have about how handsome, adorable, smart, advanced, whatever it is Kellen is. Last night we even had a discussion when I got home from work as both of us were watching him sleep about how darn stinkin’ cute this kid of ours was. So, do not feel alone!

  3. By WaltzInExile on September 24, 2009

    It’s not just you.  But, if I may become a cliche of my own here (the unsolicited advice-giving mother of older children) you’ll probably have at least a twinge of embarrassment around the age of 3 or so when someone walks up to you in the grocery store and says to Charlotte “Oh, aren’t you a pretty girl!“ and Charlotte HERSELF says “I KNOW.“

  4. By kim on September 24, 2009

    honey, you’ll be cliche forever! i remember awhile back being at a christmas party of a bunch of adults that had late teen kids. there was this conversation of one up-manship about what the kids were doing.

    Well my kid’s in india doing volunteer work with one armed blind orphans, oh well my kid’s doing a double phd in green environmental living models… bla bla

    the friend that had invited me and i were mothers of boys that were… uh let’s just say master couch surfers and partiers. I still went home thinking, pffft, what do they know, my boys are REAL!

    course MY boys did get off the couch, and are the most amazing boys of all time

  5. By Julie Momster on September 24, 2009

    Oh, exactly! I could gush for HOURS on the ultimate awesome-ness that is my daughter! And I have…. quite a few times. I chalk it up to the fact that her father and I are comprised of awesome and bad-a$$, and what else would I expect from her?

    Here’s a toast (of non-alcoholic fizzy drink variety) to maintaining the cliche!

  6. By kbreints on September 24, 2009

    Oh yes. I do the same thing. There is something wrong if you don’t. Seriously.

  7. By on September 24, 2009

    So, in my opinion, every kid in the world *deserves* for their mom think that they are the best kid ever, and it’s a tragedy when it doesn’t happen.  Charlotte is on the road to be a well-adjusted happy person, all because her parents have gone just a bit crazy!  Also, I’m totally unbiased and I think Charlotte is one of the cutest infants I’ve seen in quite a while.  :-)

  8. By Dianna on September 24, 2009

    She is lovely! You know though, by the length of those little legs Miss Charlotte is going to be taller than you by the time she is 5!

  9. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on September 24, 2009

    Dianna - I KNOW!  *sob*

  10. By Kate on September 24, 2009

    I can only hope to be a hopeless cliche someday about my own little one! I think babies brought up by parents who adore their every breath are so amazingly lucky, and turn out to be loving, caring, thoughtful individuals who value others.

  11. By Stephanie on September 24, 2009

    I would like to join your group, very soon! I’m 32 weeks (as of yesterday) and I think the same things.. that baby is cute.. but I bet it isn’t as cute as mine!!

    I’ll gladly join the group with you.

  12. By Monica on September 24, 2009

    I’m the same.  When people smile at my baby, I’m like, “Yeah, go ahead and be jealous, cause my kids are the cutest, smartest, most well behaved treasures in the world.  Sucka!“  And when Ivy does something adorable, like tug on my ponytail while in the back carrier, I’ve caught myself looking around me to see if anyone else is taking in the incredible ADORABLENESS of the situation.  And if no one is noticing, I have been known to move to a more crowded aisle of the grocery store to get more oohhs and aaahs.  lol.

  13. By Restless Mama on September 24, 2009

    I totally owned the, “I know!“ whenever someone complimented my little Bambino. 

    Because well, I do know!

    But Charlotte is a little button of cuteness too :o)

  14. By Elizabeth on September 24, 2009

    Ahem, ahem…. Time spent mooning over one’ s child is never ludicrous and should not be thought of as embarrassing, I will have you know.  Otherwise, I should be ashamed of my whole life as a Mother.  Enjoy it and keep it comin’ baby.  It’s the BEST!!

  15. By Mrs. Sitcom on September 24, 2009

    I love the doctored one. Made me laugh out loud.  We have been known on more than one occasion to answer the question “how are the dogs” with a half-hour recounting of how sweet and funny and adorable they are as the questioner’s eyes roll back in their I can only imagine what will happen when we have ‘real’ children…!

  16. By Beth in SF on September 24, 2009

    Yes, I’m the mommy who can’t shut up about sleep cycles and pooping and new foods and LOOK WHAT MY KID CAN DO, which really is why I became a mommy blogger—to spare my childless friends the torture.

  17. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on September 24, 2009

    Mrs. Sitcom - I did the same thing!  Er.  Still do…just as soon as I wrap up about Charlotte lol.

  18. By Stephanie on September 24, 2009

    hehe, this post was adorable. I LOVE the top photo!
    You’re completely allowed to think the way you do from now until forever. She’ll always be your baby… and you’ll always be the proudest mother on earth. Well, next to me of course. hehe.

  19. By on September 24, 2009

    If you want to feel like a rock star, go to the grocery store on senior citizen discount day.  Also, I believe noone has ever loved their child as much as I love mine. No other person could possibly feel this intensely about their baby, I am the most loving mother in the history of the world.

  20. By bethany actually on September 24, 2009

    Before I was a mom, I was hanging out at a friend’s house and she made some comment about how she had perfect children. I laughed, because I knew her kids well, how their whining and temper tantrums could get on her nerves, and she said, “Oh, I’m not kidding. My kids ARE PERFECT.“ And here’s the thing: she was being funny, but she wasn’t joking. I filed it away in my brain, and years later after I had Annalie, I thought, “Ohhhh, I GET IT NOW. Because my kid? She’s perfect!“

    I think Liz is right. Every child deserves to have a parent who knows that their kids are the smartest, funniest, best kids in the history of the world. You’re not a cliche, babe. You’re a good mom. :-)

  21. By mommica on September 24, 2009

    Of all the little kids I’ve seen and all the cute things I’ve seen them do and hoped one day my child would do, too - none of it was as cute and perfect and precious as the things my little kid does and says. Just wait till she’s a toddler - it gets worse/better!

  22. By Stephanie on September 24, 2009

    I like to believe that I’m ok about it, but there’s really no way to know, because I can’t be objective about my behavior. I think Jazz is the coolest, sweetest, most beautiful, smartest, and all around amazing baby, but I also think other babies are just as cool, sweet, beautiful, smart, and amazing, but I’m not sure I always sound like I know other babies can do the same things as him. I think it’s perfectly fine for us to love our own babies more because HEY, they’re our babies.

  23. By on September 24, 2009

    You feel this way because you have just fallen in love again. Now I am just assuming, but I bet you were pretty goofy when you and Donald first fell in love. My boyfriend is so tall, so handsome, so sexy and of course you were right. As time goes by you just don’t feel the same need to proclaim it to the world. Same thing with Miss Charlotte. When I had my first child, I told my brother that it is so wonderful to get to fall in love again, while you are still in love with and married to your husband.  Enjoy the heck out of it, because I hate to break it to ya, but one day, in her adolescence, you might not feel quite the same about her wonderfulness, lol.

  24. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on September 24, 2009

    Mitzie - I’ve thought of that.  I told my husband that it’s like that, like falling in love again.  I figure I need to relish it now and write it down because when she’s 14 and screaming at me from the other side of a locked door, I’m going to need to remember it =P

  25. By Crystal on September 24, 2009

    Mitzie, I completely agree. With my first, ahhh, I fell in love with a little tiny human being and I knew she was BETTER than anyone else’s kids, even as she got a little older and other people were having babies too, I would say, “she did that at an earlier age” or something like that. I think it is completely natural to be biased. It is, YOUR offspring.

    But, mine are now 8 and twins that are 5, and um, it’s not so much fun anymore. I compare them to each other and decide which one will act up today. lol. But they still are better than anyone else’s :)

  26. By erin on September 24, 2009

    I said to Brian just the other night, “You know, we really have a beautiful baby, and it’s not just that I’m biased because I’m her mother.  Everyone says how beautiful she is.“


    And seriously, the other babies at mommy group - well, they’re cute too, but do the other mommies not see how my baby is so the prettiest?

    Yep.  Totally cliche, and I love it.

  27. By *emilie* on September 25, 2009

    well charlotte IS precious.
    i believe i will be just the same when that kid finally decides to meet us !

  28. By caramama on September 25, 2009

    Not only were my husband and I this total cliche when our 2.5 girl was a baby, but we still are this way with her! In fact, when other people tell our daughter that she is so pretty/beautiful/etc. (and they do all the time!), she now says, “I know” or “Yes, I am.“ Not in a snobby way, but in the same way if you told her she was 2 years old she would say she was. And I love it!

    We are continuing this with our very handsome 3 month old boy, too!

    And by the way, your baby really is beautiful!

  29. By DoobieRoo on September 25, 2009

    Welcome to the rest of your natural born life!  My two daughters are six and three and I have been positively convinced that they are both “advanced” from day one.  My husband regularly makes fun of me for it.

    I was convinced I would not be “that” mom who is so biased she can’t see straight.  But from the minute Moira showed her little head to the world - I realized how completely, retardedly (is that a word?) wrong I was.

    Seriously though - you put into words EXACTLY how I feel about both of my kids.  Thanks!

  30. By Jinxy @ Jinxyisms on September 25, 2009

    Charlotte is adorable but I hate to break it to you, my Lily is the best baby EVER.  ; )





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