It. That. This.
March 08, 2010

Seeing the two pink lines on the pregnancy test did not do it.  Feeling the first subtle kicks of a thriving life within my body did not do it.  Watching my belly expand for months did not do it.  Hearing the strong whoosh whoosh of a baby’s heartbeat did not do it.

Bending over when the contractions hit did not do it.  Crawling around a hospital floor in the most unfathomable pain did not do it.  Bearing down with all my might did not do it.  Tearing and bleeding and pushing and delivering a baby did not do it.

Latching a child to my breast did not do it.  Smiling while my husband held our greatest joy in his arms did not do it.  Photographing our family for the very first time did not do it.  Responding with my entire body to the bleats of an infant did not do it.

Changing diaper after diaper did not do it.  Cheering after the appearance of an early smile did not do it.  Waking in the wee hours of the morning did not do it.  Rocking my child to and fro did not do it.  Kissing her and having her kiss me back did not do it.

Strapping the baby into the car-seat did not do it.  Mentioning milestones at play-dates did not do it.  Reading the same story a dozen times over did not do it.  Worrying over a runaway fever did not do it.  Whispering with my husband about our gratitude did not do it.

But yesterday morning, after breakfast and before naptime, my parents stood on their porch and waved good-bye.  My husband walked beside me and our dog ran ahead of us.  My baby was on my hip, one of her hands gripping my hair and the other my shirt, and I turned around while my parents looked on.

And in the smallest moment of walking away, I felt like a mother.

*** World?  Meet Megan.


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  1. By lceel on March 08, 2010

    There comes a moment in life - if you’re very, very lucky - when it hits you like a ton of bricks - you’re doing exactly what you were meant to do.  I imagine what you’re feeling must be something like that - only bigger.

  2. By Alicia on March 08, 2010

    i was driving with a friend a couple of months ago and Jude was crying in the back seat. He had just entered his “I hate being in the car seat” portion of life and was making it known. I kept saying over my shoulder “it’s ok - Jude, it’s alright, we’re almost home” and then said “Jude, mom’s right here, it’s ok”. My friend looked at me and was like “oh my god Alicia - you’re a mom!“.

  3. By Katelyn on March 08, 2010

    Beautiful photo!  I feel like a mom, but I won’t be complete until our boys come home :)

  4. By Megan at FASS on March 08, 2010

    Again- thanks for the feature.  I loved every line of this post, btw.  As a writer the repetition was lovely, and the build up was perfect!  I felt like a mother for the first tie 2 nights ago- Shiloh just isimply couldnt sleep unless I was right next to her singing a lullaby.  I was awake all night but immensely satisfied.

  5. By Kristen on March 08, 2010

    Beautiful post!  If I haven’t felt it already, I think that taking my 3mo Patrick on his first flight to visit family will do it.  I’ve already felt like a proud mom and a joyful mom, but the trip will introduce a new level of protector-mom.

  6. By Mailis on March 08, 2010

    Oh, the wonderfulness of this post. It took you that long, huh? You’ve always seemed like a mom to me… :)

    I feel most like a mommy when Jude wakes up during the night. I am mostly asleep, but can expertly feed and change him, and then rock him back to sleep.

    It’s strange how quickly one can become knacky at this mom gig. Those first few sleepless nights completely befuddled me, and now I can do it in my sleep.

  7. By Sarah Christensen on March 08, 2010

    Mailis - I don’t know how to describe it.  I’ve always felt like Charlotte’s mother, I guess it’s sort of like how you don’t feel like an adult, even though you know you are, until one random moment?  It’s just that I always felt like Charlotte’s mother, but then yesterday BAM! I felt like a mother in every sense of the word, like I hadn’t realized that I hadn’t felt that way before?

    No idea why, though lol.

  8. By Cynthia on March 08, 2010

    I still haven’t had a moment like that and Isla’s almost a year!!

    I totally know how you feel though… I’m 25, but I totally don’t feel like an adult AT ALL. I’m still 18 years old in my head… That’s probably why I don’t feel like a mother. I feel like I’m just an extended stay babysitter… not quite a nanny though.

  9. By on March 08, 2010

    Loved the way you described the moment.

    i’m not a mother yet , waiting to loose some weight and then plan after reading this i feel even more motivated to loose weight so that i can have my baby soon.

    Thank you to you and all the others posting comments here for showing how lovely the simple moments in motherhood are.

  10. By Jenn on March 08, 2010

    I think the way you’ve described how you feel is breathtakingly beautiful. I know exactly how you feel, but could never say it the way you just did.

  11. By Suzanne on March 08, 2010

    I have moments like this so often now.  I have two boys, 2 years and 6 months.  It’s always the most random, every day moments when it hits me…. I am a MOM!  And then I feel grateful and blessed, and forget about my frumpy clothes, dirty hair, and sleep deprived body.  It is simply wonderful!

  12. By SarahGamble@crazylovegamblestyle on March 09, 2010

    That is funny, I see you as the definition of what a mom should be.  You adore your child through the little moments of each day.  Perfection. 

    I had that moment where I realized I don’t see myself as an adult while watching Oprah one day.  It was a show about all these families within the same community that adopted teenagers all from another country.  I kept thinking how wonderful and brave they all are and that maybe someday when I am older I could do something like that.  I am 33.  This stuff shouldn’t seem so out of MY reach.  But it does.  I think in my head I am in my early 20’s even though at 18 I felt 30.  Does that make any sense??  : )

  13. By *emilie* on March 09, 2010

    it’s crazy to feel like a mom. especially when you barely feel like you’re a teenager. my husband says it’s a good thing. you can be 12 in your head and be a great mom. i hope i will.

  14. By Hannnah on March 09, 2010

    This post made me smile, because I know what you mean- it’s always when I am around my parents that I feel most like a mom. I think it’s where the shift from being nurtured to being to nurturer is most apparent to me.

  15. By Elizabeth on March 09, 2010

    roar!!


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