A portrait of nearly eight months.
March 15, 2010

My daughter loves to be naked.

When she was still fresh and new, Charlotte hated to be naked.  She loved having her diaper changed, loved being swaddled, and loved being wrapped against my chest.  I would be sweating like a pig, stinking up every neighborhood within a five-mile radius, but she always had the biggest grin.

“Well,” Donald said.  “I guess that if I had soft, fleece underwear, I would be pretty happy too.”

Over the past two months, though, that has slowly changed.  Now Charlotte hates being clothed.  Nothing infuriates my child more than her mother having THE NERVE to put her in a onesie.  It is 60F outside!  WHAT COULD SHE POSSIBLY NEED A ONESIE FOR?  THAT IS NAKED BABY WEATHER!  (Duh, Momma.)

She also suddenly hates having her diaper changed.  Or rather, more accurately, she is MUCH! TOO! BUSY! exploring her world to be bothered with pesky things like ten-second diaper changes.  As soon as I whip the dirty diaper out from under her, my squirmy worm of a daughter starts rolling this way and flopping that way and…have you ever tried to sneak a diaper onto a baby that is determined to crawl across the room?  Do you know what would be easier?  Growing a tail.  Catching a pissed-off greased-up pig.  FINDING A UNICORN.

As a result, I am slowly, but surely, turning into a diaper ninja.  I am honing those long-dormant senses, such as the “Wipe Up A Poopy Diaper In The Millisecond Before The Baby Realizes She’s Naked And Starts Crawling Away” sense and the “Slip A Diaper Underneath That Baby Before She Pees All Over Everything For The Fiftieth Time Today” sense and the “Fasten The Diaper Upside Down While The Baby Lies On Her Belly And Tries To Escape” sense.  Also, I am becoming remarkably adept at catching my fearless baby as she attempts to nosedive off the changing table.

Which happens approximately twelve billion times during every diaper change.  Charlotte is clearly trying to give me a heart attack.

Honestly, letting her go around naked is probably going to cause much less brain damage long-term.  And she is mighty adorable in the buff - what with all that pudgy baby cellulite and those delectable little thigh rolls - if I do say so myself.  And I do heart me a naked baby…

Summer, come quick.

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  1. By on March 15, 2010

    Ha, ha, ha!  And it doesn’t get easier.  I have to bribe Hadley to lie down to change her diaper.  Usually with a toothbrush or lotion (she LOVES lotion).  I used to let her run around after a bath or shower, but I think she is learning bladder control and by the time we get out of the tub (or shower) and she’s run around like a crazy woman, she just can’t hold it anymore.  Kind of like having a puppy.  But I’m with you, nothing cuter!

  2. By *emilie* on March 15, 2010

    oh boy !! i’m already going trough the same thing. if only i was good at changing diaper when she’s lying on her belly.. but i very much suck at that. i can’t wait for summer either, to be able to kiss her chub all over, all the time…
    i’ve started bringing Sophie La Girafe with us for every diaper change…

  3. By My First Kitchen on March 15, 2010

    Finding a unicorn… you’re too funny. In other news, my kid just woke up after sleeping for seven minutes. Does he really find that to be a restorative nap? At least I got to read your post today. I might get to pee on my way upstairs…

  4. By Tatiana on March 15, 2010

    I change my daughter on a pad on the hardwood floor, because she, too, loves being naked and is basically a 13 month old gymnast.  At least as she races away with little bits of poopie stuck to her bum, they’re easy to wipe up!

  5. By Cynthia on March 15, 2010

    Bailey used to hate be naked also, and now everytime on the changing table she “yells” when I put her diaper back on and “screams” when I dare put her clothes on.  I guess I am ruining all her naked happiness.  Bad Mommy!  I do not quite know if I am looking forward to being a ninja though :)!

  6. By erin on March 15, 2010

    Hannah also loves lotion bottles.  And the squirt bottle of wipe solution, and the bottle of teething tablets, and the snot sucker, and the hairbrush, and pretty much anything else that is within arm’s length that I can shove into her hands during a diaper change.  HERE, HOLD THIS FOR ME so I can wipe your bum.

  7. By on March 15, 2010

    This post is too funny and so true. I didn’t have much trouble changing my daughter in her earlier months but now at 11 months old she’s quite the acrobat. I’ve lost count of how many times I feel like my heart stops when she tries to dive off of the changing table bare butt and laughing.

  8. By on March 15, 2010

    Nose dive of the changing table… bahahahaha. Aiden just started doing that this weekend. He’s figured out that he can use the railing in back of the changing table and pull him self up and hang over the edge. I have to pry is fingers of the railing just to get him back on the changing table. All weekend I said to him “did you just gorilla glue your fingers to the rail?!?!?!“ it’s almost impossible to get them off!

  9. By Heidi on March 15, 2010

    Oh, yes, I just changed the cover on the changing table.  For the second time today.  It’s like a rite of passage (for us or for them?) that they WILL. NOT. STAY. ON. THE. CHANGING. TABLE.  I mean, why do we even have this piece of furniture anyway?  Aren’t my friends who became mommies before me supposed to share the wisdom that a changing table is a total waste of money?  Because that’s what I’m going to tell people from now on.

    But naked babies are SO cute.  :)

  10. By Cynthia Krajcarski on March 15, 2010

    I love naked babies too! It’s that naked baby mess that I dread. Speaking of naked babies… Isla pooped in the tub last night, and I had to fetch it out with my hands. That has been the most icky thing I’ve had to do… so far.

  11. By Megan R. on March 15, 2010

    right there with ya….and loving every second of my ultra-crazy-active-cannot be disturbed-baby!

  12. By Elly on March 15, 2010

    Oh <3! Being naked in front of your folks is only ever acceptable when you’re as little as Charlotte is. I say let her go with it, I think. When else are pants optional? :P

  13. By Sarah Christensen on March 15, 2010

    Cynthia - The first time that I put Charlotte in the shower sling when Donald was at work (at first, I forced him to stay in the bathroom while we showered JUST IN CASE), she pooped.

    It was liquidy and goopy and gross, all in the net and all over my naked body and all over her.  Ugh.  Yuck.  Naked babies = cute.  But you’re right, naked baby messes = not.so.much.

  14. By Megan at FASS on March 15, 2010

    I like to think of it like a game for me- how fast can I catch those crazy feet and how long can I hold them with one hand whilst diapering with the other.  I get all kinds of impressed with myself!

  15. By on March 15, 2010

    When that started happening with my now 2.5 year old daughter, I switched over to the floor.  Neither of my kids (I have a 1.5 year old son) have been changed on our changing table in a really long time.  It is so much easier on the ground.  Still challenging but I quickly learned that my feet can be quite the distraction.

  16. By heather... on March 15, 2010

    I DO love a naked baby…well, a diapered, but otherwise naked, baby. Their bellies are so kissable!

  17. By Elaine Dieball on March 16, 2010

    Jack absolutely DETESTS getting his diaper changed. And he is a muscular little nearly-two-year-old. He is STRONG. I gave up on the changing table very early on, which I’m glad for, and simply change him wherever we happen to be when I discover the offending odor: the couch, the floor, the bed. I have changed him standing up (pee diaper only!) I have changed him while he sleeps with his butt in the air (quite the feat, actually!). I have changed him in the back of the car when I found there was no changing table in the public bathroom. (Does this sound like “Green Eggs and Ham”?)

    With super-human strength he has wiggled away with lightning speed on more than one occasion, diaperless and full of joy! In fact, when I take his clothes off, he often spreads his arms and shouts, “Ta-da!!!“

    Soooooooo glad it’s warming up and nakedness is becoming permissible around our house again!

  18. By Jessica on March 16, 2010

    I totally know what that’s like!  My son Jackson is insanely strong, so I’ve had to get really creative in order to diaper him.  One thing that works to hold him down is to use my free hand to pin his hips to the changing table or floor.  I put my fingers right on the bone on both sides and apply downward pressure.  If he can’t get his hips up, he can’t maneuver enough to roll over and off the table!

    Unfortunately, I can’t always get him onto the table, so I learned how to change him standing up for wet diapers (and occasionally for dirty ones!).  The trick there is to keep your kid in pants or shorts so that you can leave them pulled down to the ankles.  It’s tough to run away from Mommy if you can only just barely shuffle your feet.  (Seriously, though, if you try this, do it where the kid can lean against a wall and doesn’t have sharp furniture bits that will send you on a trip to the ER and give your kid a scar on the forehead.  Pro tip there.)





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