Cough cough sneeze sneeze.
November 15, 2011

No matter how clever and charming my toddler is, at the end of the day I think we could really boil her entire existence down to this: Germ. Factory.

No, seriously.  When Donald and I were childless, WE HAD NO IDEA what awaited us.  Charlotte is like a walking petri dish – at any given time, she’s probably carrying AT LEAST seven thousand, possibly seven thousand and two hundred, strains of the common cold.

If someone told me that two-year-olds single-handedly generated every disease known to mankind, I would totally believe them.  I mean: have you SEEN a two-year-old recently?  They’re like snot fountains.  Even when they’re healthy, their faces are perpetually covered in unidentified grime.  They touch every toilet seat in a fifteen-mile radius and then struggle valiantly against washing their hands.  Two-year-olds are disgusting.

That’s not to say that they aren’t cute or that I’m above accepting kisses from a child I just witnessed EAT SAND, because they are and I’m not.  But on a really good germ-free day, it is still highly likely that my child will:
    -  lick a slide
    -  steal another child’s food
    -  steal an adult’s food
    -  reach into a public trash bin just to see what’s inside
    -  taste dirt, the more questionable the source, the better
    -  put her face alarmingly close to our cat’s butt
    -  put her face alarmingly close to our dog’s butt
    -  put her face alarmingly close to our chicken’s butt
    -  on that note, you would not believe how often I say “NO POKING!”
    -  wipe her nose on the nearest available surface
    -  cough in my face
    -  sneeze loudly, usually just after I’ve bragged about how healthy she is.

I think we can all agree that this list (and that’s not even counting the days when boogers the size of Greenland are lodged up in her nose) explains our current predicament.  Which is that our family has been struck down by its nine hundred and twelfth flu bug this year.

It’s a good thing two-year-olds are so ridiculously cheerful when struck down by the plague.  Right now, watching my little germ factory exclaim over a container of wood beads like I’ve handed her the keys to a room full of gold is just about the only thing preventing me from slapping her with a biohazard sticker and handing her over to the CDC.

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  1. By on November 15, 2011

    My MIL was worried one Christmas about seeing our kids because she had a cold. Her doctor said “ Are you kidding? Where do you think you got it?“

    Biohazard sticker, I like that.

  2. By Amber on November 15, 2011

    “NO POKING!“ <——- LOVE IT hahahah

    One of your more hilarious entries. Sorry you are sick so much though, Sarah! <3

  3. By on November 15, 2011

    Isn’t this the truth???  UGH, nice thing is once you have a another one the adults do not get as many as you are more immune. :-) Hope you all feel better soon.

  4. By Sarah@Crazy Love Gamble-Style on November 15, 2011

    Ugh, I vividly remember Ava as a toddler being fascinated by our dog, I thought she was pointing to the dogs bottom and in her finger went, YUCK!!!

    I also have a new theory about puke=love and I am quite certain that Norah loves me more then anyone else because she pukes all over me endlessly when she is sick. 

    Hope you are all well soon!

  5. By Jeneva on November 15, 2011

    The “No poking” line bust me up. Been there. lol But yes, I agree with this post completely.

  6. By on November 16, 2011

    Think of all the resistance you are building !~!

    OK, slap me for that one…

  7. By on November 16, 2011

    I just literally laughed out loud and then tried to muffle the laughter so as to not wake up my own napping germ factory.

  8. By Mailis on November 16, 2011

    One of Jude’s most treasured words is “bum hole”, yeah. He has attempted the “doggy doorbell” a few times, too.


    I hope you all mend quickly. We are sick up in these here parts, too. Yuck.

  9. By Karen on November 16, 2011

    Our germ factory has us sick right now. He’d love to “poke” the cat, but she keeps her distance at all costs.

    I don’t know if you are interested in this stuff, but I nominated you for the Tell Me About Yourself Award. Stop on by to pick up the button :-)

  10. By Stephanie on November 17, 2011

    Handing her over to the CDC. Ohmygosh that’s hilarious.My son just turned 11 months and I’m learning that with his new found mobility comes germs. YUCK’s a good thing they’re cute!

    PS. New Follower :)





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