Dignity gone.
April 13, 2009

Living with Crohn’s disease lends itself to talking about all manners of digestive processes.  And so, naturally, Donald and I devote a sizable chunk of our discussions to poop.

I poop at the same time every day.  Before I got knocked up, you could set a watch by me.  This is an immense source of pride for me, something that I can say without a hint of flippancy because FOLKS?  I spent years training my rogue intestines to do this.  YEARS.

Not even the onset of early pregnancy constipation foiled me.  I was going to poop on time, damn it, whether my rectum liked it or not.  And while this philosophy may not be the smartest one out there, my bowels eventually shaped up and returned to pooping on schedule.

Unfortunately, my bowels also picked a different time of day to poop than what I was formerly accustomed to.  Periodically, I do not have access to a toilet at this time.  And this?  Well.  This has posed a bit of a problem.  When I do not poop on time, I am FOR REASONS UNKNOWN unable to poop later.  So my body basically holds in a bowel movement the size of Texas for another twenty-four hours, at which point my poor butt cannot handle the pressure.

IT BURNS.  And then it takes me several days to get back on track.

After a few weeks of struggling to resolve my pooping problem on my own LIKE A BIG GIRL, I finally caved and told Donald about it.

      -  So what you’re saying is that because you couldn’t poop ON TIME earlier, because there was NO ENGAGEMENT IN THE POOPING ACTIVITY, you now have a backlog?  A POOPING BACKLOG?

I cannot believe that I now have straight-faced conversations that involve terms like “engagement in the pooping activity” and “a pooping backlog.”  Pregnancy has ruined me.

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  1. By The Football Wife on April 13, 2009

    All I could think of while reading this post is how prepared you’ll be for natural childbirth, girl!  When you’re ten cm., you’re going to feel like you need to take a giant crap except this time it’ll be a sweet baby instead of Texas.

  2. By Marin on April 13, 2009

    My friend was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis last year, after many months of sickness and losing massive amounts of weight. She had to give herself enemas in front of her boyfriend, because he had to help. Yeah. Highlight of her life, I’m sure.

  3. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on April 13, 2009

    I’m just glad I’m not the only one who has had similar discussions.  Granted they didn’t involved phrases like “pooping backlog” but still.  Isn’t it great that our guys love us regardless?

  4. By Elizabeth on April 13, 2009

    hehe “pooping backlog”  hehe

  5. By kbreints on April 13, 2009

    oh my god…. it is worse after you give birth… it takes some DAYS to poop again…

    .... and poop is a daily conversation in my house… I live with all boys aafter all :)

  6. By Jes the Bes on April 13, 2009

    Oh I know your pain. Hello my name is Jessica and I have IBS.  There I said it.

    After my surgery I was drinking/eating anything to get things moving again. 5 DAYS OF AGONY and I finally broke down and took a laxative. Oh man.

  7. By Jennifer W. on April 13, 2009

    OMG I was laughing so hard.  The conversations I have grossed my husband out with… I have the same, uh, backlog problem and it took YEARS to get my body to go more than once or twice a week.  It’s not normal!  If I don’t go when I need to go it can be DAYS until I’m able to go again.  I don’t know what the heck is going on in there but let me just say - after the baby is born, Colace is your friend.  Love it.

  8. By Molly Chase on April 13, 2009

    Hahahah, backlog.

    I had the same problem as you did early on in this pregnancy. If I didn’t poop right at the same time every day, it just didn’t happen, and if it didn’t happen for a couple of days, I was in real trouble. And being regular is sort of like a few days without sunshine, in my book: you barely notice it until you realize that it’s been days since you saw the sun, and suddenly things seem desperate.

    Now things are back on track, I think. But I spent a few days between week 13 and week 20 feeling…impacted, shall we say?

  9. By Dianna on April 13, 2009

    I’m sorry, I know it’s really not funny.  But it kind of is.  Although the holding it in for 24 hours.  Not possible for me.  Since we’re being honest here, I’m kind of the same way.  I usually poop at the same time everyday.  Isn’t that nice to know from a practically stanger without asking?  I know, sorry.

  10. By on April 13, 2009

    Trust me.  It’s this kind of frank honesty and understanding that can make having children one of the most bonding experiences the two of you will ever experience.  He’s supposed to be your best friend and if you can’t tell your best friend what’s bothering you, then that’s not a very good best friend.  For days after my son was born, I thought back on my labor and cried thinking about how I couldn’t have done it without my husband.  Even after 15 years, it was as if we had been through a war together and had bonded on a whole different level.  And you know, if you don’t TELL THEM how are they going to know what you’re dealing with?  I think he NEEDS to know what you’re going through, especially on those days when you’re “cranky” .  Something along the lines of, “HEY! How would you feel if you you were exhausted, you hadn’t had a shower in two days, your boobs are swollen, your nipples feel like they’d been sand blasted and you couldn’t poop?“ Sometimes you just have to give them a little perspective.  ;-)

  11. By Clare on April 13, 2009

    Make friends with Peace Corps volunteers; they have conversations about pooping (and all bathroom related things) all the time.  Its part of life on the frontier.

  12. By Elly on April 13, 2009

    Haha, I love that you made a post about poop! In saying that, a friend of mine has Crohn’s, so I know how much it can suck. Go you for rocking the lighter side of this :)

  13. By Mama Bub on April 13, 2009

    My very good friend has Crohn’s disease and is in a new relationship.  She’s constantly wondering how much to tell him and saying things to me like “Does he know that when I say ‘I’m sick,‘ it means I have explosive poop?“  Here’s to having a sense of humor about it all.

  14. By the domestic fringe on April 13, 2009

    Sorry, but that was funny.


  15. By Jaye @ canadian-mom.ca on April 13, 2009

    tee hee!

  16. By Angela Nazworth on April 13, 2009

    Oh this was funny. My husband is very squeamish though so I cannot even mention the word poop in his presence…yet he loves the potty humor in Austin Powers movies…so explain that one to me. Now if you child can poop on schedule—-your potty training days will be a breeze.

  17. By Allison on April 13, 2009

    Haha—pooping backlog.

    I don’t have Crohn’s, but I TOTALLY get the pooping backlog. Same thing happens to me if I don’t go when I have to. It sucks.

  18. By violetismycolor on April 13, 2009

    I’m speechless…

  19. By Dayna on April 25, 2009

    I have suffered from IBS (with an emphasis on “the runs”) since I was a teenager.  When I was pregnant it was like a 9 months gastrointestinal vacation for me.  I hadn’t pooped so solidly and regularly in years.  It was simply fantastic! Ha! =)





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