How marriage ought to go.
January 03, 2011

Nothing has made me love or respect my husband more than sharing with him the joy of raising our daughter together.  There is something magical, something indescribably wonderful, about watching a man fall madly in love with his child.  Donald is an exceptional father and it’s hard to look at a man like that and NOT fall more deeply in love with him.

But what I didn’t see coming was how hard it is to look at a man like that and NOT fall a little more deeply in lust with him too.

A surprise image Donald took a couple days ago.  I love surprises!

There is a long-standing joke that parenthood pretty much kills sex.  Just before I gave birth, a buddy pulled me aside.  It’s gonna hurt like a bitch to pop that sucker out, she told me.  Then she raised her glass.  And also, here’s to the birth of your sexless marriage, she said.  I laughed, but she meant it.

It’s been seventeen months since I ‘popped that sucker out,’ now so I feel pretty confident that she was wrong.  Last night, Donald made dinner with the baby strapped to his back.  When I walked into the kitchen and saw, it took every bit of self-restraint I had not to rip his clothes off right then.  Our sex life has never been better.  Bringing a baby into the mix has taught us to be creative and spontaneous and to take advantage of every opportunity.

I’d say we were like horny newlyweds again, but I’m pretty certain that we’re actually hornier now.  Like we were late bloomers or something.

And isn’t that how you SHOULD feel about the man you love?  Shouldn’t you be wild about him?  Shouldn’t he make you weak in the knees?  Shouldn’t you be thinking about all sorts of debauchery when you see him tucking your child in at night because you know that means you have a few hours alone together?

A few days ago, my family somehow got on the topic of which celebrities we each find irresistibly attractive.  We both listed off a few, but on our way home Donald plucked up our daughter and put her on his shoulders.  And as he walked ahead, chatting away to her about the trees and the clouds and our crazy-ass dog, wearing his same old blue jeans with mud and sawdust on his shoes, my eyes drank him in and I felt incredibly happy.  I have never wanted a man more than I wanted him in that moment.

The next morning, picking up the clothes strewn across the living room floor, daydreaming to myself about what depravities our kid’s next naptime might hold, I felt at home.  I felt in love.  And as the sounds of Donald and Charlotte laughing their way through a tickle session reached my ears, I felt a little in lust again too.

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  1. By Alicia S. on January 03, 2011

    I was just in the middle of writing a post about the same topic this morning. My husband and I were able to get out of the house for a few drinks two weeks ago - the first time since our second child was born, and we swore we’d make it out for new years if it was the last thing on earth we ever did… because it was the most fun we’d had since our wedding. But weren’t able to. I felt exactly the same way after our son was born. It wasn’t nearly as difficult to find the time because taking advantage of every oppurtunity actually made it more fun sometimes. But even though we definitely want eachother more now… actually having eachother is insanely more challenging. We spent our new years at home, talking about how we always swore we’d never be those married people who schedule alone time, but we have to now. I’m sure we’ll get back on track, but it won’t be without some concetrated effort.

  2. By Jessika on January 03, 2011

    Thanks for this post. It’s good to know this can happen. I’m often surrounded by the worst things that can happen to a marriage after children, and it’s pretty sad and horrifying. It’s good to know that other paths are out there, and that by having a kid (someday!) we aren’t automatically set off on a path of miserableness!

  3. By Bethany on January 03, 2011

    Awesome! Awesome! and even more awesome!!! What an inspiring post!

  4. By stephanie on January 03, 2011


    Or give you one!

    I’m so glad you wrote about this. EVERYFREAKINGONE wanted to tell us about how we’d never have sex again, and I mean…it couldn’t be further from the truth. I totally dig this post and get what you mean.

  5. By Sarah on January 03, 2011

    I will admit our sex life took a hit while I was having kids, but I had 4 in 5 years and it was more a matter of finding time then not wanting too. But now that we are done making babies, we are like newlyweds again!! and I love it. I think fatherhood is VERY sexy

  6. By on January 03, 2011

    Wonderful post, it’s so true!  Seeing my husband play with and take care of our children is the best thing ever.

  7. By on January 03, 2011

    The “empty nest” is not so sad either cuz you can tear each others clothes off in any room. You don’t have to worry about making noise either.  Sex, the gift that keeps on giving!

  8. By on January 03, 2011

    Wow, nice to hear you’re still gettin’ some :-) I’ve heard those horror stories about no-sex-post-baby too, and though I have no kids yet, the thought scares me!
    How many years have you and Donald been together?

  9. By Melissa on January 03, 2011

    Finally, someone put this sentiment into words! There’s nothing sexier than a loving daddy.

  10. By on January 03, 2011

    How sweet and how wonderful….the only word I disliked was “depravity”. There is absolutely nothing depraved about what married couples do together. Find another word? My husband would DIE if I wrote like that about him….his friends and co-workers would never let him hear the end of it. It’s a different world we live in, that’s for sure!

  11. By Cynthia Krajcarski on January 04, 2011

    Oh, Sarah. Sometimes I think that those couples who warn other couples about not having sex after the baby, well, I think they’re doing something wrong.

    It took a while for Luke to come around to really spend one on one time with Isla, but once it started happening… Oh boy, he would have to rip me off of him to go to work in the mornings.

    Now that I’m pregnant again, well I can’t even count the numbers of times he’s had to say “Stop looking at me like that” in the last WEEK.

  12. By on January 04, 2011

    I couldn’t agree more.  My babe is just 2 months old and I wouldn’t say our sex life has suffered at all—and she sleeps in bed with us or in a co-sleeper next to our bed. 
    I’m really looking forward to seeing my husband grow as a father as our little girl gets older.  Right now she is still too young for him to figure out what to do with most of the time, and she is in a “only momma can hold me stage”—I guess I should be flattered but it is kind of a drag that I can never hand the kid off!

  13. By Sarah Christensen on January 04, 2011

    Rose - Donald and I have been together five years and change.

    Lynn - I agree that ‘depravities’ probably isn’t the best word.  I’ll see if I can come up with something better!  Thanks for the heads up.

    Cynthia - I can only imagine =)

    Ellen - Charlotte still sleeps in our bed at nearly 18 months and we seem to figure it out =)  I think creativity is key.

  14. By stephanie harsh on January 10, 2011

    Love this post. It makes me a little sad, but mostly optimistic. Seriously… love it.

  15. By Christy on January 11, 2011

    I agree with you.  I find my hubby absolutely more irresistible now that we have a baby.  I mean I wanted him all the time before Lily but when I see him with her I have to work really hard to not rip his clothes off right then and there.





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