I’m running out of witty titles for posts about my kid humiliating me.
September 23, 2011

A friend I haven’t seen in awhile stopped by the house the other day to show off her new baby.  We immediately went into the backyard to catch up.

At some point, I excused myself to use the bathroom.  Charlotte, who recently has convinced herself that toddlers make excellent bathroom escorts, tagged along.

When we walked into the bathroom, Hank started barking outside.

Now I realize that this is a tangent, but recently we’ve been trying very hard to break Hank of 99.99% of his barking.  If he wants to bark at an intruder, FINE.  Bark away.  But the problem is that he doesn’t just bark at intruders.  He also barks at neighbors.  Cats.  Squirrels.  Leaves.  Air.  Clouds.  Dust particles.  Imaginary friends.

Seeing as I was acquainting myself with the porcelain throne, I wasn’t really available to run out and put the fear of dust particles into Hank.  So even though my friend was ten feet away from the bathroom window and I was pretty certain I’d hear incessant jokes about it later, I just yelled at him through the window.  HANK!  NO BARKING!

YEAH!, Charlotte screamed ecstatically beside me, thrilled to be joining in.

YEAH HANK!, she yelled at the top of her lungs through the window.  NO BARKING!  MOMMA IS POOPING!

Sometimes I think toddlers were invented just to bring us all down a notch or two.  Or fifty.


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  1. By Sarah on September 23, 2011

    i just love her

  2. By Lindsay on September 23, 2011

    Ha! That’s great!

  3. By 4little1s on September 23, 2011

    Only to say the title of this blog entry made me laugh….the pooping thing was funny.

  4. By on September 24, 2011

    Seriously, SO happy my dog isnt the only one who barks at every single possible thing. my dog is a very sweet 45lb mutt, but fence aggressive to his core, and if people, an animal, a car, a leaf, the wind ANYTHING moves just right and he is barking for 20 minutes. its SO hard to break them but we’re trying because I can not listen to his bark anymore i may rip his barker out lol. and i refuse to put a shock collar on him like a trainer tried to do! so keep me updated on how you are doing, because i am failing lol.

  5. By Sarah Christensen on September 24, 2011

    Carlyn - We’ve been using water and it’s been about 85-90% effective because he HATES HATES HATES water.  I kept a little kid bucket filled with water on a shelf near our back door and when he barks, I walk over there and drench him.  I had to be home 24/7 for about three straight days for it to take effect, though, and I had to be willing to get up from putting Charlotte down for a nap, etc.  By about three days in, I was able to stop using the water and start positively reinforcing his quietness.  For example, when he watches the chickens moving around and doesn’t bark, he gets a bone.  And when he watches the neighborhood kids come by without barking, I let him come to the front door and sniff them and get some love from them (as opposed to blocking him off in the kitchen and hoping his growling and barking isn’t going to make anyone wet their pants lol).  I’m hoping that in time he’ll start to associate things he used to bark at like that with fun so that he doesn’t feel the need to bark to get rid of them - and I’m hoping that as he sees more of what’s going on, he won’t feel the need to bark out of curiosity.  There are some things, like skunks trotting past, that he is always going to bark at but I’m willing to take that if he’ll just not wake up every neighbor in three miles lol.

    I reject shock collars and scent collars and the like too.  I’m sure they work for some animals, but I didn’t consider them as a viable option for us or for Hank.

  6. By Kim on September 24, 2011

    My children are constantly telling others about my bathroom visits!  I think I left my modesty in the delivery room.

  7. By on September 24, 2011

    seriously funny! 
    Carlyn, you should try this…put about 10 pennies in a tin can and then tape up the open end with a couple layers of duct tape.  The next time your dog starts barking at the fence, throw the tin can at the FENCE so it makes a loud noise startling your dog out of his barking.  If you continue to do this, he will associate the barking at the fence with the loud noise (instead of you) so it should help with when you are not in the yard with him as well.  This was a trick a dog trainer taught me when we were having issues with our dog.

  8. By Cambria on September 24, 2011

    Awesome!! I love the stuff kids say!

    We were in a public bathroom the other day and once again Hadley yelled “Mama, I smell something” and “Why do you have hair on your who-ha?“

  9. By on September 24, 2011

    Omg, I’m dying.  I love you and your kid.

  10. By on September 26, 2011

    Both genius ideas! water and the tin can. I used the tin can method with him to stop his “stealing” and chewing, so why i didnt think to use it for his barking is beyond me. hes afraid of his own shadow, and loud noises scare the poo out of him lol. I shall be trying both of these starting today and see what works best for him. thank you both so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gino (my dog) has a bark like a boarder collie and its the most annoying noise to ever be. his behaviour is almost neurotic! and he too wakes up the neighborhood. so embrassing. THANK YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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