Itchy belly syndrome.
May 14, 2009

As this pregnancy progresses, it is increasingly clear that some of my body parts are plotting an uprising.  I’M LOOKING AT YOU, BELLY BUTTON.  I AM ON TO YOUR SEDITIOUS WAYS.

The insubordinate activities began innocently enough and they didn’t even begin with my belly button.  It began with my butterfingers, which could no longer adequately maintain their grip on a fork.  After that, it was my legs, which surprisingly no longer allowed me to pick up dropped forks with ease and grace.  Instead, if I want to pick up something that’s landed on the ground, I need to squat and twist and groan and OOF until it’s in my hands again.

At which point I promptly drop it again.  Of course.

After my fingers and my legs, my bladder began to act up.  Suddenly, I’d find myself on the porcelain throne warped into some unidentifiable shape all in the name of squeezing out four, FOUR!, whole drops of urine.  And since FOUR drops of urine is better than my going rate of three drops of urine, I found that these contortions were worth the trouble.  That extra drop was going to buy me an extra twenty seconds later, which probably works out to about one fewer trip to the bathroom per hour.  WIN.

By far, however, the worst transgression has been committed by my mutinous bastard of a belly button, which has up and decided to itch.

Except that it doesn’t just itch.  My belly button doesn’t believe in doing things by half, so instead of just casually itching, it ITCHES with the fury of one thousand wool sweaters.  It itches INCESSANTLY and then, like some malicious virus, it spreads THE ITCH to the rest of my belly.  So I find myself scratching desperately at my midsection, praying for the tingling and the prickling irritation to just come to a fucking end already.

Last night, Donald got a good laugh out of watching me sit on the couch and claw at my belly.  Then he leaned over and kissed my cheek and said it’s okay, he still thinks I’m sexy when I’m large enough to be seen from space and my belly is covered in bright red scratches.

That’s the mark of a good man.  HE LIES.

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  1. By Katelyn on May 14, 2009

    Ooooohh, don’t scratch!!!  The itching, are stretchmarks in the making, chica!  Put lotion, like every ten minutes, and oils, oils, oils.  I agree, it’s a maddening feeling, didn’t happen for me til the very end when she dropped though, thank goodness.

  2. By kbreints on May 14, 2009

    WARNING!! DO NOT SCRATCH!! Get yourself some Lotion or OIL… and put that on there…. You will regret not doing this when those stretch marks apear!!


  3. By Buckeroomama on May 14, 2009

    Agree with the two K’s before me:  Writhe, if you must, but do not scratch.

    “...on the porcelain throne warped into some unidentifiable shape all in the name of squeezing out four, FOUR!, whole drops of urine”  - LOL!!!

  4. By Vicky on May 14, 2009

    Baby oil works wonders on an itchy tummy! Put it on after a shower when you are still damp and anytime the itch starts to creep.

  5. By Katie on May 14, 2009

    My stomach itches like its about to just peel right off.  And at this point, I wish it would.  I read somewhere that scratching can cause more stretch marks and since I don’t need MORE of those, I’ve tried to lay off the scratching.  Now, I just cry when it itches.  MUCH more productive.

  6. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on May 14, 2009

    ha!  It itches with the fury of one thousand wool sweaters.  Love that line!  Don’t love that you’re itching of course.  :(

  7. By lceel on May 14, 2009

    There are so MANY charming witticisms that come to mind ... but you don’t know me very well, yet, and I don’t know how far I can go, here, without getting myself in trouble .. so, what I WILL say is this - Vitamin E capsules, broken open and contents rubbed on your belly will do two things.  First, the oil will help with the itching.  tremendously.  Second, the oil will help with stretch marks.  they won’t be so .... recognizable ... later, when you’re NOT pregnant and you want everything to go back to some semblance of what it was before.

  8. By Damselfly on May 14, 2009

    Oh, mama. You crack me up! Because I relate! So itchy.

    And this might be TMI but do you find if you sort of halfway stand up you can squeeze out more drops? I do….

  9. By Megan at From A Sesame Seed on May 14, 2009

    It’s my nipples.  It’s my goddamn nipples!  I think i may just scratch them off!.  That will solve my problem.

    Do you itch all over or just tummy?  I seem to be getting itchy all oevr now with these horrible rashes that appear and disappear like a Harry Potter illness.  Reducto, rash!!

  10. By Allison on May 14, 2009

    Oh gosh…I had that problem. I had completely forgotten about it until I read this. It was AWFUL. My whole belly itched constantly, but the belly button was always where it started!

    Gah! I feel for you :(

  11. By Kris @ NSQSA on May 14, 2009

    OH I had the horrible itchies all through my previous pregnancies—- but mine was deemed PUPPPs and I was miserable. 

    Thankfully, no itchies this time around *knock on wood*

  12. By nic @mybottlesup on May 14, 2009

    shit.  reading this post made all of that come back…  (((scratching belly)))

    coco butter was my best friend.

  13. By Dianna on May 14, 2009

    Okay, is it not Donald’s job to pick up those dropped forks?  Yes, yes I think it is.

  14. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on May 14, 2009

    Okay, Dianna?  I COULD NOT AGREE MORE!!!

    and Damselfly - I haven’t noticed that yet, but now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m totally going to try it out!

    and Megan - For me, the nipple itching went away as soon as my breasts began to leak milk.  It was outrageous and then?  Gone.  Overnight.  So there’s hope yet, maybe it’ll vanish!

  15. By denise karis on May 14, 2009

    this totally brings back memories - I can’t believe Id ever consider having another one - theyre so cute later it makes you forget all the pain and inchyness and leg cramps that came before.

    Im here from J*s blog btw incase youre wondering :P

  16. By Veronica on May 14, 2009

    If a regular moisturiser doesn’t help, go and buy yourself something that they use for excema. It worked for me. Okay, mine was an anti-itch excema cream too though.

  17. By Prams and Pushchairs on May 14, 2009

    Ha ha what an intriguing story you tell- I can’t believe you got me interested in your belly-button, of all things! I was a little thrown when you got to the dark toilet expose though- maybe too much when you’re trying to eat? Haha - good over all though!

  18. By Laura on May 14, 2009

    oh lord. the itching is awful. i was in target today and was shocked when i noticed myself scratching my belly. i thought “ewwww, i am one of those GROSS pregnant women that scratches their stomach.“ :P

  19. By Elizabeth on May 14, 2009

    Ohhhh, I had forgotten about the itching… ugh!

  20. By Mrs. Flinger on May 14, 2009

    Ohyea, I remember. I remember. He lies? He’s a keeper. :)

  21. By Dutch Donut Gir. on May 15, 2009

    I love your ‘let’s keep it real pregnancy posts’. Although I have seen your pictures and I think your man is not lying at all.
    And no, I’m not gay or a weirdo ;-)

  22. By Jinxy on May 15, 2009

    You are wicked funny! 

    Sweet almond oil or plain old olive oil are great moisturizing oils for rubbing on the itchy belly.  Also great for massages *hint hint*

    Oh and I found leaning forward a great way to get a drop or two extra out.

  23. By Napmom on May 15, 2009

    It sounds like this is typical pregnancy itching.  Nonetheless, here is my itching/PUPPPS story.

    I thought that I had PUPPPS.  The doc said that it was PUPPPS.  Apparently there is no cure for PUPPPS (other than delivery).  However, I found and purchased a PUPPPS cream online as a last resort bceause other remedies were not working… at all. 

    Here is the link for the PUPPPS cream.  I’m not kidding, it really worked.

  24. By Julia on May 15, 2009

    I was fortunate not to have many bad symtoms during pregnancy - but itching is something I definitely had!!!  Glad to see it’s so normal because I didn’t really hear about anyone else that dealt with that.





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