Beautifully written. It gives me much to think about which is one of the things I love about your blog. Try your best not to feel guilty about having her in your home. Easy to say, harder to do, I know. You are giving her love and stability that her birth family cannot right now. Polliwog’s needs take priority. One day, if not now, her family will be happy she was nurtured by you during this difficult time. Thank you for being a foster parent. The need is so great.
“As if we are more heartless, more detached, less loving, less feeling than she is”
This bothers me. It is not that you are more heartless, it is that you are braver, stronger, more willing to expose yourself to the pain of possible loss. You are willing to take a hit if necessary so that you can provide loving care for Polliwog. I think your friend is saying she knows she is not up to coping with these difficult emotions and is awe of the fact that you are. At least that is what I hope she is saying. Because if she doesn’t believe that, I do.
I have a very good friend that recently adopted her daughter - it wasn’t a foster situation, BUT she and her husband went through all of these emotions because it wasn’t just a black and white, the biological parents didn’t love their baby situation. It really opened my eyes to how difficult and courageous it is to foster / adopt children. Keep up the good work, and in the end Polliwog will end up in the best place for her, and your family will be stronger for it (whereever that may be).
This sounds just like our most recent adoption. So many emotions, so many hearts involved ! I too found solice in sodoku. Keep on loving that little one !
This is so eye opening. I have a friend who fosters and she was just talking about this the other day. I don’t think people understand that some parents mess up really bad, but that doesn’t make them bad
I have a family member who has made his share of bad decisions. He and his now ex had a son whom is now in the custody of his grandparents because they were unable to care for him. It is sad to see two people who truly do care about their child, but just can’t get themselves together enough to provide care for him. You talk to this guy and he’ll show you pictures on his phone of his son, he’ll tell you his plan for getting him back (working hard! Saving money! Getting a place of his own! Getting clean!) and then you see his real actions… Falling into the seeming hopelessness of his situation and perpetuating the cycle. It’s so hard to watch. But at least this child is in a living and protective home… At least there are people like you who can provide that love and attention, for no matter how long the child may need it.
I have to comment just to agree with what mitzi said above me. I do not think your friend meant that you are less than her, I believe that to be a compliment. You are strong to foster, not weak. Many wonderful people do not foster because they don’t believe themselves to be good enough, to be strong enough. They don’t want to take that risk and they don’t want to fall in love with a baby who they eventually may reunite with the family because they are scared. You weren’t. You and your family are taking that leap to care for a baby who needs extra love. It’s a compliment that you can put yourself in that position, help raise a child, and possibly reunite her with her family. Not everyone could. Not everyone is strong enough to deal with the emotional rollercoaster you described (and that, I’‘m sure, all foster and adoptive parents go through).
I agree with the above comments that you are strong and giving! (and not emotionless) I recently overheard a foster parent wishing the “birth parents would just screw up” so she could keep her foster child forever. That is not a good foster parent. YOU sound amazing.
You are a super hero!
I am so proud of how you have grown and stretched and given so willingly. you are a beautiful person in many ways.
taraStill following along / checking in on your story. Nothing but best wishes coming to you and your family on your adventures in the every day!
Great blog! I’m going to send you an email this week about a baby topic I’m researching.
What you’re doing is Amazing :-)
Beautifully written. It provides ME a lot of to concerning|believe|consider|suppose|deem|trust|admit|accept|have confidence|have faith in|rely on|place confidence in} that is one in all the items i like about your diary. attempt your best to not feel guilty concerning having her in your home. simple to mention, tougher to try and do, I know. you’re giving her love and stability that her birth family cannot right away. Polliwog’s wants take priority. One day, if not now, her family are going to be happy she was nurtured by you throughout this tough time. many thanks for being a foster parent. the necessity is thus nice.
Wow! Loved this post plus the whole story! I really think you are pretty amazing… I have had the same kid of feelings of wanting to help, to give love to a baby that needs it, and even though I really want to do it, the feelings that you describe in this post are so overwheming just when I think of it, that I don´t really think I can do it.
So, really… you are amazing, and I do think the world needs more people like you!How do you work here ?

By on April 17, 2014
Beautiful, touching and made me cry, love your writing and wish you and your family the very best always.