May 15, 2009

The constipation is back with a vengeance.

© 2009 Helios Media, Inc.  Please click here to see this image on Flickr.
A photograph from happier times, when the poop flowed more freely.  And when I didn’t yet know I was pregnant…

For awhile there, things were going great.  Crohn’s disease, which may be better described as THE DISEASE OF OVER-POOPING, and all of its assorted symptoms seemed to fly out of my life before my pee was dry on the pregnancy test.  This frustrated me at first because I was, um, UNACCUSTOMED, shall we say, to experiencing a single solid bowel movement per day.  I felt like I was walking around with a stick up my ass.  Or an entire tree trunk.  One or the other.

But then I got used to it.  I started to appreciate it.  And then I started to downright like it.

Still, my bowels went a little over the top on the whole no-diarrhea gig and I don’t exactly RELISH the feeling of walking around with a stick up my ass.  I would find myself conversing with people, trying to stay focused but inwardly thinking WHEN AM I GOING TO POOP, I NEED TO POOP, which is really pathetic.  So, as the first trimester came to a close, Donald and I devised a SYSTEM, which essentially means that we did our very best to pump me full of fibers and berries and let my body figure it out.

And for seventeen weeks (not that I was counting) (because that would be weird) (and I never do weird things) (ever) (HA!), the SYSTEM worked.  I was a pooping MACHINE, people.  I could poop with the best of them.

Then, a couple weeks ago, along came the glucose test.

The glucose test gave me the worst gas in the world, the sort of gas that actually makes the ground quiver and measures on the Richter scale.  And within a few hours, it had made me a slave to the toilet.  It was like I’d spent four months living on a remote tropical island, but I’d been caught and shipped off to some frozen-over hellhole even Siberians don’t like.

Just when I was thinking HM, YEAH, I’M OVER THIS DIARRHEA THING, my body popped a cork up in there and the poop stopped.  Obviously, this is a lesson in being careful what you wish for.  I’ve read that this is typical of the third trimester, that your digestion slows to a near standstill (thus explaining the sudden drop in appetite) (but not the sudden interest in ALL THINGS CHOCOLATE) (which probably doesn’t help the whole STICK UP MY ASS problem), but nobody told me that what the books meant by “you may experience some constipation,” was YOU MAY FEEL LIKE YOU WILL NEVER POOP AGAIN.

That feeling?  The feeling that I may be walking around fifty years from now with the same log wedged uncomfortably between my butt cheeks?  That feeling has convinced me that PREGNANCY HAS OVERSTAYED ITS WELCOME.

© 2009 Helios Media, Inc.  Please click here to see this image on Flickr.
We all know the only cure for reading about a pregnant woman’s pooping habits is seeing a cute critter.  So, look!  How adorable is my cat?  Huh?  Don’t you already feel a little less disgusted?

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  1. By kbreints on May 15, 2009

    Yep. You have for SURE hit your third trimester!

  2. By sarah on May 15, 2009

    LOL enjoy these last few days and keep writing about them!! I love your blog.

  3. By Jenny on May 15, 2009

    I’ve often wondered how pregnancy would affect my IBS—that’s one thing that makes me nervous about becoming pregnant. Sounds like you actually have gotten a break from it. Knowing others have tolerated pregnancy and stomach issues puts me a little more at ease. Thanks for your insight!

  4. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on May 15, 2009

    Jenny - When we found out I was pregnant, the first thing I did was schedule an appointment with my gastroenterologist to discuss Crohn’s and pregnancy.  He referred me to some excellent resources to set my mind at ease and suggested finding an obstetrician who had a history of working with gastrointestinal patients.

    I’m a little sketchy on how pregnancy is affected by IBS that may be different from how it is affected by IBD, but if I had to make one recommendation it would be that you find an OB who understands the scope of your IBS.  When we switched obstetricians, that was our number 1 priority and I have not been disappointed.  It makes a world of difference!

  5. By Kerry on May 15, 2009

    Oh yes, it’s fun isn’t it?  I have a good mix of the two.  I ALWAYS feel like I have to go, especially when I start eating something.  So I rush off to the bathroom and…nothing.  Saweet.

  6. By Monica on May 15, 2009

    Ok, ok, so your colon is malfunctioning….  Look how beautiful and thick and gorgeous your hair is!!!

  7. By Megan R. on May 15, 2009

    Sarah - I know the feeling of “missing” going to the bathroom…of not having that constant “relief”.  I, fortunately, do not have Crohn’s disease, but I have suffered with IBS since high school (the rarer horrific diarhhea kind v. the constipation kind).  Any kind of “binding” freaks me out and makes me feel less than human.  I have not hit the third trimester, yet…so now you have me WORRIED.  I have been lucky to not have a lick of constipation throughout the pregnancy to date.  I go to the bathroom 1 to 3 times a day, minus the diarrhea!!!  Life is grand in that respect!  I will take it!

    Jenny - please see above…IBS is MUCH better during pregnancy in MY experience.  Gotta love that something is better…given all of my other complaints!

  8. By Laura on May 15, 2009

    Dude. I was all ready to sit down and eat a LARGE preggo-sized dinner of KFC chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn last night. I ended up only being able to eat a little corn and mashed potatoes and then I was full. I was so depressed.

  9. By lceel on May 15, 2009

    It’s been a while since SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed) has been pregnant.  Our youngest is 18 now.  With all of the other stuff that has gone on in the intervening years, I had completely forgotten about the poop-scapades.  yes, there is a whole LIST of shenanigans your body does to you as you go through pregnancy - and constipation is one of them.  And hemorrhoids.  Which are a natural follow on to constipation.  Ah, yes.  Pregnancy.  Something I, myself, would NEVER ask a woman to go through, if it wasn’t for the fact that the end result is so very worth it.

  10. By on May 15, 2009

    I just happened across your blog and have only read a couple on entries. However, now I am picking myself off of the floor from laughing. Not at your pregnancy “issues” but at the oh so humorous way you have written about them.  I hope I have the sense of humor you have (or come across as having) when I go though all of this. I look forward to becoming a reclusive blog stalker of yours!

  11. By Stephanie on May 15, 2009

    Your blog now fascinates me, since you’re entering the parts of pregnancy I didn’t experience.

    Side note—I hope your system goes back to being whatever you are comfortable with post-baby. Mine is still wonky.

  12. By gretchen from lifenut on May 15, 2009

    Drink pickle juice or eat a can of sauerkraut.

    My issues got really bad with my last pregnancy. It seems vinegar-based foods do the trick for me. It’s worth a whirl for you.

    It’s a horrible, horrible feeling.

  13. By Veronica on May 15, 2009

    Not exactly medicine approved, but coffee helped my constipation. One coffee and off I’d trot to the toilet. Also helped with my third trimester exhaustion and all that stuff.

    Mabe prunes? Or stewed rhubarb? Hot drinks?

    Now I just sound weird and unhelpful. Sorry.

  14. By Nap Warden on May 15, 2009

    I am no help on the pregnancy issues:(

    Love the kitty pic:)

  15. By Wild Dingo on May 15, 2009

    Yup, sure am glad i am MUCH to OLD to have a brat. Tho you sure make it sound so romantic!

    kitty picture rules.

  16. By Tabitha Blue on May 16, 2009

    Chai tea helped me go, every time.  It’ll get better.  Just think, in a few weeks you won’t even remember all you went through to bring a baby into the world!


  17. By india Search engine optimization company on August 11, 2009

    Hi guys,
    The glucose test gave me the worst gas in the world, the sort of gas that actually makes the ground quiver and measures on the Richter scale. I had completely forgotten about the poop scapades. yes, there is a whole LIST of shenanigans your body does to you as you go through pregnancy   and constipation is one of them.





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