The bald spot.
September 22, 2009

Charlotte has a spot on her head where the hair is not coming in as thick or as long as it is everywhere else.  It sits above her ear, along her hairline.  It is her tiny, dainty bald spot, about the size of a penny, and it is all my fault.

That’s where I kiss her.

Day in and day out, I rub my nose against her head and savor her scent.  Then I follow with my fingers, ruffle the blonde tuft of hair she has, and then I lower my lips and kiss her.  I kiss her above her ear, along her hairline, because when she’s in my arms, that precious spot rests just below my chin.  It’s very accessible.

As Charlotte grows, she’s changing and I’m realizing that every bit of this growing-up thing that kids do is bittersweet.  I am so immensely happy to see her thrive, so proud of her, so delighted by each new curl and every enthusiastic grin.  Yet, at the same time, I miss her startle reflex and the way she scrunched up her face when she slept.  I am thrilled by the baby she is becoming even as I mourn that the newborn she was can now so easily be forgotten.

So I snuggle with her longer.  I hold her closer.  I try to commit the sweet smell of her forehead to memory.  And I kiss her more.

I know that I’ll need to stop kissing the bald spot soon, that it isn’t fair to her to have her hair grow in lopsided just because of lame old mom, but as soon as I do, it’ll disappear.  Just like everything else about her infancy, it will become a memory locked in the back of my mind, and as time goes on, the memory will fade.

In the meantime, then, I think I’ll kiss it twice as much.  For her, of course, so that she always feels that she is cherished.

But also for me.

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  1. By Vicky on September 22, 2009

    That feeling of wanting to kiss them all the time never goes away.  My baby is 3 and I still want to snuggle and kiss and smell (when he is clean!)

  2. By erin on September 22, 2009

    I was just thinking about this last night… Hannah and I were sitting on the sofa, cuddling and playing and nibbling on each other, and I thought, I want to imprint every silly face she makes on my brain.  I love the way she ducks her head, wrinkles her forehead, and looks up at me from under her eyebrows all serious with her lips parted, and then breaks out into a huge grin.  I don’t ever want to forget any of the little things she does, and I know some of them will slip away, and it made me cry.  Brian thought I was nuts, but I just want to freeze time.

  3. By Monica on September 22, 2009

    Bittersweet.  This is exactly the word I use to describe motherhood.  Sigh.

  4. By Sarah A. Schlothan Christensen on September 22, 2009

    Erin - Donald thinks I’m nuts too.  I think that being near my folks has been great in most respects, but it has made it very apparent how much you do forget.  My parents are always seeing her do something and going “oh, I forgot about that.“  I wish I had a better memory so that I would never let any of these moments slip away.

    But then again, if I did, I might not have the memory space for new moments, right?

  5. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on September 22, 2009

    There is something about the smell of babies and their soft hair - no wonder you have to kiss her all the time!  It’s an instinct, I’ve seen many people do it with their kids, women and men alike.  I say do it as often as you can, while you can!  Her hair will always grow back.  :)

  6. By Kate on September 22, 2009

    Ditto to Tabitha—do it while you can, because it won’t last forever :)

  7. By Stephanie on September 22, 2009

    Awwww that is so very precious! I don’t think she’ll notice the bald spot till much later in life.. keep on kissing, mamma, I say!

  8. By Restless Mama on September 22, 2009

    How sweet.  Yesterday while my son was eating his first cup cake I couldn’t stop kissing him and praising him for growing up. 
    And then I put him to bed and thought - Wait…I’m not sure if I want him to grow up anymore. 
    That newborn phase where they’re just the cutest and bestet cuddlers….that’s something to hold on to as long as you can.

  9. By *emilie* on September 23, 2009

    i believe you can see that little spot on the first picture of your breastfeeding post ?
    i don’t think you can ever kiss your baby / child too much. she will grow pretty long locks and the kissable spot will be hidden from the rest of the world.. but you’ll never forget where it is !!

  10. By kbreints on September 23, 2009

    oh but this is why I love to blog about my kids… so when my memory does fade—I can go back and jog it with the words I wrote about them…

  11. By Jinxy @ Jinxyisms on September 25, 2009

    Bittersweet is the perfect way to describe this growing thing.





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