The happiest hostage.
April 23, 2010

Twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon, I try to convince Charlotte to take a nap.  And ordinarily she nurses a bit and slowly relents, allows the delicate hands of sleep to grasp her firmly.  But every now and then, she fights naptime with the same ferocity as a tiger battling captivity and when exhaustion finally overtakes her?

She holds me hostage.

Completely unrelated: a few snapshots from the playtime calm before the naptime storm.

She pulls at my shirt and she whimpers when I move.  As I try to roll away and sneak out, I feel her tighten her grip and I watch as her eyes flutter open.  They shut again, then they open, then they shut, as though she wants badly to hold me tight, to keep me here, but she is simply too tired to tell me.

I hear the neighbors mowing their lawn and the sound of a car horn in the distance.  My mind races, as I think of all the housework to be done and I find myself frustrated that I cannot use this precious time to do it.  The only time I have to myself is now, while she naps.

Then I feel the tug of those little fingers and I hear the happy sigh of my girl as she nestles warm and safe between my breasts.  I watch the slow rise and fall of her chest as she breathes and I think that right now, in this moment, all she needs is me.  All she needs is her mother, skin against her skin, heart against her heart, dreams besides her dreams.

So I cozy in, hunker down, pull the blanket tighter around us, and I fall asleep too.  There is time, I find myself thinking, for housework tomorrow and there will be time for myself when she is grown and gone.  Then slumber envelopes me and as the world hustles about, the two of us sleep on.

And when we wake up, I am grateful that she captured me so.

*** This week’s children’s book giveaway (The Circus Ship by Chris Van Dusen) winner is Jaimey.  Congratulations, Jaimey!

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  1. By Cynthia A on April 23, 2010

    Exactly how I feel.  Bailey does not sleep unless I am there, so I just let everything go…for another day…and I am happier for it.

  2. By Cynthia Krajcarski on April 23, 2010

    Aww…. I’m sooooo jealous!!! Isla and I could never nap together, she always woke up after 40 minutes—sleeping with daddy was a TWO HOUR investment of time though.

    I love that you make that time with her a priority, Isla’s so independent that I feel like I take advantage of that so my kitchen can be clean.

  3. By on April 23, 2010

    Ummmmm .....when did charlotte become the cutest TODDLER ever?!?!?!?!!?

    I love her hair. I always notice that her hair gets longer in every picture you post!

    Where did you get the letters she’s playing with? Are they foam?

  4. By Megan R. on April 23, 2010

    Funny that you get held hostage.  Finnley still isn’t a cuddly baby and easily resists any snuggle time in exchange for other more interesting activities.  Lately nap time and bed time lose out to her new found ability to pull herself into a standing position using just about anything she can find.  When I think that maybe she has relented and give in to sleep…I often look at her on the video monitor and see just her feet…because the rest of her is not visible as she stands erect holding the rail of her crib.  Independent!  I am jealous of your snuggles….

  5. By Jaimey on April 23, 2010

    Yay me! Thanks!!! Can’t wait to get it, the boys will love it.

    I miss having a pc! Its so hard to check in with my phone!!! :(

  6. By on April 23, 2010

    You, dear Sarah, are one wise young woman. Seriously. I can guarantee that you will never, ever look back and regret a single afternoon nap with that sweet little girl. And as anxious as you are to have another….having two makes it nearly impossible to have with the second what you have with the first. So just savor all that you have right here. Right now….so wise, so very wise.

  7. By on April 23, 2010

    She is just so very very adorable.  Kiss her nose from me :)

  8. By Tabitha (From Single to Married) on April 24, 2010

    Henry does the same thing - it’s so hard to put him down and have him continue sleeping some times. But I sure love holding him too!

    ps - I voted!

  9. By Mary @ Parenthood on April 24, 2010

    Elizabeth does that too.  I always feel a little guilty if I manage to extricate myself but sometimes I really need to go to the washroom!

  10. By on April 24, 2010

    SO so sososososo true. I used to try so hard to put Harper down for naps, but have gotten so sentimental over the last few months as she is rapidly getting older. Mommy/harper naps are coming to an end. I’m glad I was able to cherish so many.

  11. By kbreints on April 24, 2010

    I love this post. Sam is three and I still find myself doing this from time to time. Falling asleep next to him so he takes a nap… and I still love it.

  12. By Alicia S. on April 25, 2010

    She is really beginning to look like you. :-)

  13. By Dandy on April 28, 2010

    “They” always say to nap when they nap but I always wonder when that means you get anything done?!

    But you will really miss these moments later so I’m so glad you take them.





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